‘Dahlia, honey, tell these good people what you’ve got in store for them, will you?’
‘Sure thing,’ she said, referring to her clipboard. ‘Each day there will be cruise ship entertainment for you to get involved with. Does anyone have any aversion to anything? Any dodgy knees? Allergies? Foods you can’t eat?’
We collectively shook our heads. Although I wasn’t a fan of mushrooms. Or snakes.
‘Here is a map of the ship, along with your timetable,’ she said, handing us each two sheets of paper. ‘We’ll start tomorrow morning with aqua aerobics after breakfast.’
Bloody hell. No rest for the wicked. I scanned through the schedule, and it was gruelling. Water polo, drag cabaret, swimming with dolphins, salsa classes, karaoke… the list went on. And worse than that, all four of us were down to do everything together. If we stuck to this schedule, we’d be stuck with the Amplify bros day and night.
I could see Zach having the exact same thought and he nudged Leo.
‘This is incredibly thoughtful,’ Leo said, smiling slowly. ‘It’s rare to get such a thorough induction.’
‘You’re so welcome,’ Dahlia said. ‘You guys are in for a lot of fun.’
‘But wouldn’t it make more sense,’ he said, pretending to think, ‘for the agencies to do the activities on different days? That way we can throw ourselves into it without qualms.’
Dahlia looked between us, confused. ‘What’s the difference?’
‘Without the pressure of the other team watching?’ He flashed me a smile. ‘No offence.’
‘Absolutely not,’ Brooke called over, having downed her champagne. ‘I am responsible for the due diligence of this pitch and it’s important there is a fair and robust process. If you all do the same thing at the same time then nobody can accuse me – or any of us – of special treatment. Both teams need to have an identical experience.’
‘So, other than mealtimes – and the activities between mealtimes – we are free to do exactly as we please,’ I whispered to Heidi.
‘Free as caged birds,’ she seethed.
If the Excalibur account wasn’t so important we’d have both thrown ourselves overboard by now and started swimming for the shore. But no, we had to work out how to sell these cruises differently, and quick. Brooke didn’t rate the Cool Cruisers campaign.Noted.So we needed something new that would sell more and do better. And the best way to figure out what that might be was tobecome cruisersand immerse ourselves in the experience likemethod actors. Whether we liked it or not, we were all here and in it together, and we had to get on with it.
‘Any questions?’ Dahlia asked, staring us down like an officious PE teacher. We shook our heads.
‘Excellent. In that case, ahead of us getting started tomorrow, I was gonna give you a real quick orientation of the ship,’ Dahlia said, her blue eyes shining.
‘Fantastic!’ Leo and I said at the same time jumping up, and even with his head bent down to read the map, I could see Zach smirking to himself.
‘Have fun, kids!’ Brooke gave us a wave then settled down to sunbathe as Dahlia led the way. ‘See you at dinner!’
‘Anything you wanna know, you go right ahead and ask. I’m new here, but I’ll be getting up close and personal with the guests – I always do. It’s my job to keep them entertained, and there’s nothing more satisfying than transforming their vacation with an activity they love. The light changes in their eyes, you know?’
The Sun Deck went on and on, with cocooned daybeds for two, where the odd pair of legs poked out from snoozing cruisers. I’d expected it to be more like an Alligator Park, full of writhing bodies on packed sun loungers, fighting for space, but it was much classier than that. Dahlia opened the doors to another restaurant and we followed her in.
‘I’ll just do you a quick whistle-stop for now to help you get your bearings – we’ll be walking around for a week otherwise. Where you’ll eat and drink and where you need to meet me tomorrow for aqua.’
‘There’s plenty of time for us to see it all,’ Leo said, staring up at the crystal chandeliers, which twinkled in thesunlight. The dining room was swanky and modern, with pale concrete tables and plum chairs.Esmeraldawas taking the brand up a notch, that was for sure. Gone were the cheap wooden trestle tables and multicoloured carpets; the floors were now a textured stone and the ceilings were edged in intricate coving. Greg was serious about trying to attract a different type of customer.
‘Exactly. So here we have the fine dining restaurant, where you’ll eat at the captain’s table. Dinner is served at eight on the dot and the food is divine.’
‘Black tie I presume?’ Leo asked.
‘Oh yes. The guests go all out to impress. Tailored tuxedos, kilts and sporrans… the works. Some of the dresses and shoes I’ve seen wouldn’t be out of place at the Met Gala.’
Heidi looked my corporate work wear up and down, and I could see her changing her mind. None of the outfits I’d packed were particularly Oscar-worthy. I’d have to go ‘Gaga’ and make a dress out of salami from the breakfast buffet.
‘Tell me you’ve got something appropriate,’ she murmured, and I nodded. There was no point both of us worrying about it.
Then on to the main bar, which was like stepping into the rainforest, with panoramic views of the ocean. The air was fresh and balmy, with evergreen trees marking out the pillars and wisteria hanging down from the beams. A barman poured out porn star martinis and banana smoothies and guests were lounging around on the sofas enjoying them and making themselves at home.
‘Help yourselves to drinks,’ Dahlia said, and we all picked up a glass. ‘This is one of twelve bars on the ship, but the one we imagine a lot of people will use in the evening as it’sso close to the main restaurant. The drag cabaret will be in here as well, with our resident queen Barbie Queue, who you briefly met earlier.’
