Arlo pushed our door open and waved us in. I’d seen enough Jane McDonald documentaries to know what came next: a large suite with two double beds, a balcony overlooking the ocean, a Jacuzzi with champagne on tap. I took a deep breath, ready to be wowed, then realised why Arlo had made us go in first. There wasn’t space for all three of us. The room was the size of Mum’s old shed, with bunk beds, a slim wardrobe and a window I could just about see out of if I stood on tiptoes. Not a butler or minibar in sight. A sliding door revealed a wet room with a tin toilet, and a shower head where you’d normally have a light.
‘Your en-suite,’ Arlo said, unashamedly. ‘Which is self-cleaning.’
He said it like that was a good thing.
‘There must be some mistake,’ Heidi said, eyeing it with horror. ‘This can’t possibly be for the two of us. Not for a fortnight?’
Arlo nodded earnestly. ‘These are the on-board staff cabins, which is all we had left when Ms Harris requested you join us. The rest of the staff quarters are below deck if you’d prefer to be down there?’
An image of peasants behind bars flashed through my mind, knee-deep in water. TheTitanic-panic was back. Absolutely not.
‘We’d prefer to be in a guest room, Arlo,’ Heidi said patiently, as my heart raced. ‘We aren’t teenage holiday reps.’
Leo appeared in the doorway. ‘Little snug next door for me and Zach I’m afraid,’ he said. ‘We’re going to need separate rooms.’
Arlo’s moustache twitched involuntarily. ‘There aren’t any other rooms. The ship is fully booked and I’m sorry but it’s above my pay grade to—’
‘Don’t worry, Arlo,’ I interrupted. ‘You carry on checking people in and we’ll sort this out with Brooke.’
He scurried off as an impatient whistle sounded overhead. The captain was getting ready to roll and there was no turning back. I’d slept in nicer skips after a night out and wasn’t convinced I’d be able to squeeze into either bed – they were clearly designed for children, or yogis with full-body flexibility. My breathing dropped and the blood rushed to my ears. We were trapped inside a trap, inside a trap, and we couldn’t book ourselves into a hotel, like we usually would. We were at the mercy of Brooke, who must have known this was all they had and was clearly looking forward to pitting us against each other.
‘It’s OK, Kat,’ Heidi said, holding both my hands. ‘They either find a room big enough for both of us or we’ll get one each.’
‘Amen,’ Zach called, out of sight. ‘There’s no way I’m sleeping in this mouse hole. It gets sorted or I’m getting off.’
‘Chill, OK? I’ve said I’ll sort it.’ Leo tried to smooth his ruffled feathers as I snapped the elastic band around my wrist and took a swig of Rescue Remedy.
‘You do that,’ Zach huffed. ‘I’ll be on the top bunk if you need me.’
‘Listen.’ Leo stood in our doorway, his arms holding up the frame and I tried not to look at them flex. ‘We’re all in this together, right? We stand strong as a four and she’ll have to listen.’
Heidi nodded. ‘Agreed. I thought we’d be getting the full VIP treatment – how can we appreciate the guest experience from inside a staff bunk bed? I’ll speak to Brooke though, Leo – it’s kind of you to offer but we don’t need you to be our spokesperson. She’s our client.’
‘Understood. In which case, I’m happy for you to represent us too, so we’re not both on her case at the same time.’ Was he being genuine, or just cleverly outsourcing a sticky client conversation? ‘We’re in competition, but there’s no reason we can’t be pleasant about it.’
‘No reason at all.’ Heidi looked at him deadpan.
‘Why don’t you both go?’ I suggested. ‘Then she can’t play you off against each other.’And you can’t play her off against us, I thought silently, taking in Leo’s relaxed pose and cashmere clothes. He had some serious laughter lines, in contrast to my ever-deepening elevens, so he must still havesomesense of humour. We’d had so many laughs when we’d worked together at Engelman, however hard I’d tried to keep it professional. We’d been work besties from day one and gone everywhere together. Six months of being a mini-team, working on the same briefs, helping each other work out problems, sharing lunch and trying to fit in.
‘Good idea. Let’s go,’ Leo said, jumping as Heidi marched past him. Fingers crossed they could sort it. Brooke was likely already in her Jacuzzi with a glass of champagne, or face-down on a massage table covered in hot oil. Hopefully, she’d take pity on us and get us upgraded somehow. There was no point unpacking until they got back, so I pulled out my phone to check my emails. The team would be in the office by now and there was always some drama going on.
HIIT Girls Group Chat:
Abi: Hey girls, I miss your faces. Come back and see me soon!
Sara: I’ll come to LA anytime. I love your condo, your man and your little dog toooo mwahahaha #couplegoals
Abi: You’ve got a hot man and double dog combo yourself if I remember right.
Me: I’ll take the double man and hot dog combo instead please, if we’re putting our orders in.
Sara: Lolz. Are you on your cruise yet? Another one living it up!
Me: Cruising, yes – living it up, no.
I sent them a photo of the cabin to prove it and could just imagine their faces when they opened it. If I was running an anti-PR campaign, this would work as the hero shot.
Abi: Woah. You don’t get paid enough for that.
