I repeated, ‘I am at a fuckin’ coffee shop, and Philip fuckin’ Khan has just walked in and sat beside me!’
I heard a huge gasp, then silence.
‘Zola!’ I snapped, panic running rampant through me. ‘Say something!’ I wanted to cry. I could feel my face scrunch up to an even more unflattering, distorted angle than Kim Kardashian’s when she breaks down in tears.
‘Shut the fuck up!’ she eventually mustered.
‘What do I do? He’s acting like we’re pals,’ I said, running my hands through my hair, which was now damp with sweat.
‘OK, settle, petal. Why is he in New York? For you?’ I could hear a crunch as she went back to her lunch.
‘Are you seriously eating right now?’ I snapped.
‘Ella, focus.’ I heard her swallow. ‘Why is that cunt here?’
‘Meetings. He said meetings,’ I replied, trying hard to remember the twisted chain of events from two minutes earlier.
‘OK, well fuck him, then. He’s moved on, so have you. Don’t overthink this. Play it cool, wish him well with the meetings, finish your coffee and leave.’
She was right. This didn’t need to be complicated. I had moved on – Jimmy made me happy and I wanted to see where it could go with him. I owed Philip nothing. My back straightened.I can do this.
‘Yeah?’ Zola continued.
‘Yeah. I can do that,’ I said, believing it even as I was trying to sound more confident.
‘Yes, you can. Now go back in, make an excuse to leave and phone me back when you can,’ she said. ‘Got it?’
‘Uh-huh. Got it.’ I hung up and closed my eyes, feeling the cool autumn breeze hit my face.
I steadied myself, reminded myself that I could be assertive and leave. I was allowed to do that. Re-entering the coffee shop, I saw Philip scanning my notes on the laptop. As he looked up and grinned, I walked back to the table and carefully resumed my seat beside him.
Philip pointed to my screen. ‘I see you’re still doing PR work for your campaign?’
I see you’re still a nosy bastard, I wanted to reply, but instead I sipped my coffee with a dignified nod, angling the laptop away from him.
‘And you’ve changed it up quite a bit from The Dicktionary Club.’ He glanced down at the floor, looking sombre. ‘Perhaps I reacted too hastily to you coming here. I thought you’d be out here, slating men and getting on your high horse about all the horrible things they do, but this seems different. It’s .?.?. it’s .?.?.’
‘It’s fair,’ I said quickly.And none of your business, I wanted to add.
‘Wonderful,’ he said. ‘The app idea is wonderful, Ella. Congratulations.’ A soft, contented look washed over his face and I smiled nervously. I sipped more of my coffee and noticed his eyes were still fixed on me.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘Do you know, I wondered if I’d bump into you over here and what I’d feel, but it feels like us still, it feels like how we were before.’ He leaned his head against the back of the cream leather booth and sighed. ‘I was wrong to try to hold you back from coming to the States.’
‘Yeah, you were. I had to do this for me,’ I said, swallowing. ‘The girls needed it too.’
I felt his hand squeeze my leg. My body froze.What the fuck?Is he getting the idea that I’m still keen on him? This felt wrong. Did he think one squeeze of my leg and a half-arsed apology was going to get my drawers off? I shimmied up slightly, freeing my leg. He was the problem, and even if I got over him taking the huff about New York, I was hardly going to see past the fact that he was shagging hot young influencers the minute I was out of his bed. I could feel my blood begin to simmer.Who the fuck does this cunt think he is?
‘I saw that you’ve moved on,’ I said, managing to remain calm. ‘And I’m happy for you, genuinely. I suppose it was hard to watch it play out in the media like that, but at the same time, it made me realise how wrong we were together.’
Philip leaned both elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands.
‘No. Ella .?.?. I’m so sorry that—’
‘No need to apologise. God, I’m over it.’ I laughed softly.
He turned to me, his eyes glossy with tears. I had never seen this much emotion come out of him before. ‘You do deserve an apology, Ella. I was messed up. My ego was hurting that you just walked away when I’d asked you not to.’
