I can’t wait. “Are you clean?”
“Yes. I’m tested. There’s been no one…”
“I’m on the pill.”
“Sara,” he mutters, pausing me, his hand strong at my waist. “Are you sure?”
I press against him, testing his strength. He’s unmoveable. Stubborn. “So sure,” I breathe into his lips.
He releases me carefully as I use him to press my knickersaside and slide onto him. He moans and I throw my head back as I begin to bounce, enjoying the stretch, the ache.
“Sara, Iswear,” Gus mumbles into my skin, his voice cracked, as he sucks on my neck, pulling my waist into him. “So tight. So good. I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you.”
And we fall apart right there, Gus holding me to him like he promised, keeping all the pieces of me together for another night.
And maybe, hopefully, every night after.
Thirty-SevenFour months later…
“Happy Birthday!” I sing. “Well, you’re thirty in Thailand anyway. What time is it there?”
Hattie laughs down the line, her familiar emo music playing in the background.
“It’s just gone five. I’m not even ready yet. We’re leaving in two hours.”
Hattie’s birthday is New Year’s Day and our friend Sam’s birthday is New Year’s Eve. It’s a whole thing. Every year I’ve known them, they’ve celebrated it together and I’ve always been there, along with our other friend Priya. In fact, this is the first time since we were eighteen that I haven’t celebrated New Year’s Eve with them and for a moment I experience a sinking feeling.
Am I homesick?
I look out of our beachside shack and stare at the moonlit beach, the sea sparkling. Gus is strolling along the water, his naked silhouette dipping his toes and glancing back to see if I’m joining. The fireworks have settled down at the resort now, leaving a serene charm.
Nah. I’m exactly where I want to be.
“How’s Thailand?” she asks.
I sigh, happily. “Totally remote and very quiet.”
“Love that for you. Does that mean you’ve had lots of privacy?”
“Yep.Lots. I think some of the staff recognise him but we’re staying out of the way. We’ve barely left…”
“The bed,” Hattie finishes for me.
“The shack… But sure.”
The past couple of months have been a total whirlwind. I’ve been trying to juggle work while sneaking away to different houses, hotels and city breaks, trying to keep our relationship under wraps. Dare I say, it’s been fun. Almost exhilarating.
But we’re not stupid.
I know that at some point we’re going to be spotted together again and I’m going to have to accept whatever that means. Because the alternative is not having Gus. Grace has been laying the foundations publicity wise, pressing secrets into the right palms, as she puts it, and tells me that the storm will feel bumpy at first but with all PR, something else will take the spotlight before you know it and then we’ll be forgotten about.
“Well, next year,” Hattie says, “Gus is coming to our party.”
“Agreed. I’m very sad to miss tonight. Have a special birthday and mess Sam’s hair up for me because I’m not there to do it myself.”
“It will be a pleasure,” she says. “Right, go and enjoy yourself. We’ll catch up when you’re back.”
We hang up and I head out to join Gus. I’ve been in this bikini most of the day, dipping into the sea, sunbathing, aspa treatment then back in the sea again. It’s been dreadful, as you can imagine.
