Getting to raise their son with them? Knowing they want to love mine as their own? It makes me happy in a way I’ve never been before.
It also makes me sad. Knowing this type of contentment and happiness could only be achieved by losing my husband.
“Papa, watch!” Cole calls out, bringing me out of my morose musings.
“I’m watching!” I assure him, smiling as he laughs loudly from where he’s now sitting on one end of the teeter-totter. Monroe lifts Lizzie up and places her on the other end, and her added weight moves Cole’s side off the ground a few inches.
“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” Marcus mutters. “So vibrant and fearless, even after everything.”
“Like his daddy.”
Marcus snorts, and I slide my arm around him, holding him flush against me. Pressing a kiss to the side of his head, I say, “You’re both an inspiration, Caro. Strong and resilient.”
Marcus turns his head to meet my gaze. “Only because we have you and Keegan.”
I kiss him softly. “And you always will.”
His face softens and he kisses me again, a little deeper, letting me taste him, as he becomes soft and pliant in my arms.
“Daddy, Papa, watch!”
We laugh and break away from each other’s mouths. “We’re watching,” I assure our son as I turn to see him racing the goats across the yard.
We all still have a long way to go, but as Cole, and Marcus, show how fucking strong they are, I know we’ll be okay. Because we’re a family, and nothing matters more than that.
Idrop my head into my hands, trying to figure out what to do next. I may have sidestepped Benjamin’s question for now, but that won’t last. Cristian… Fuck.
My heart goes out to him, and a piece of my soul yearns for him. While Emilio is my soulmate, I have enough room in my heart for my Sweetheart. Unfortunately, we’ve made a mess of things, and I can’t move on without facing one last person. Fear grips me and I struggle to breathe. The walls start to close in, and immediately I use the techniques Javi taught me to slow down, to recognize my surroundings.Fuck. How did I go from the mighty Il Padrone to…this?
Once the worst of the anxiety has passed, I straighten, forcing myself to stand. I’m not sure why they bothered to give me an office—it’s a new room for me. It’s not like I’m allowed to help, but yet, it steadies me to a certain degree, whilesimultaneously gutting me. Walking out of it, I shed the small pieces of Allesandro that I reclaimed with Benjamin, and pull Sandro’s shield tighter. It’s the only thing I can think to do, because what comes next may just break me completely.
It doesn’t take me long to reach his door, and for a moment, I stand there, unsure of what to do. It’s an unfamiliar sensation, even though I swear I should be used to it by now. Lately, that’s what my life has revolved around—uncertainty. Grinding my teeth, I push aside the doubts and knock, waiting to see whether he’s actually in.
“Come in.”
I open the door, my breath catching at the sight of Ignacio stretched out on the bed. He’s reading, but without a shirt on, it's impossible to ignore the scar from what Cristian did. Cold reality seeps through me as I stare at it, nausea churning in my gut as I face the reckoning of what happened.
“Padrone!” I jolt, that title only worsening the sickness inside me. I didn’t even notice Ignacio had changed position, but he’s now sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me warily.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I run the fingers on my left hand through my hair. My right hand is clenched tightly in a fist as I try to direct all the tension there. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Only then do I meet his eyes. There’s no hatred in my Chaos’s eyes, only a terrible blankness that’s possibly even worse.
“Was there something you needed?” His voice is hard, and I wince, knowing I deserve it.
I hesitate in the doorway, even though he said I could enter. With more courage than I thought I had anymore, I take a few steps into the room. My eyes track the minimal decorations, except for the large pile of books and various tools for physical therapy. There’s a chair off to the side, and I slide into it gratefully, unsure if my legs could hold me up any longer.
Clearing my throat, I stare at Ignacio, my heart beating faster as I finally respond. “You deserve an apology. I didn’t know what Cristian was going to do. I hope if I had, I would have stopped it. But, regardless, he should have faced consequences. You lived by the rules I put in place, and… I failed all of the Boys, but especially you. I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I want you to know, I am deeply sorry.”
Ignacio lets out a slow breath, and I can almost see the tightly coiled anger within him unraveling. Only a small shell of it remains, but when his gaze flashes toward me, I recognize that it’s holding a kernel of hurt. And fuck, that tears me to pieces. He was mine to protect, to love, to be loyal to, even as they were forced to be loyal to me. And I betrayed him. It stings, but I embrace the pain, knowing I deserve it.
He doesn’t say anything, but I stand and take a few more steps toward him before doing what previously would have been unthinkable…in a different life, certainly. I sink to my knees, offering him my submission. It’s the deepest apology I can give, and the closest I can come to offering him the trust I should have given from the beginning.
Bowing my head, I don’t look up at his sharp inhale. It’s only his tortured plea of “Padrone” that causes me to raise my head. This time, the agony in my soul is reflected back at me, and I desperately wish I could erase it from him and take it on myself, even if it doubles my own pain.
“I’m sorry, Chaos—Ignacio. I’m so very sorry,” I choke out, struggling to breathe through the pain.
He shakes his head, raising his hand to stop my apologies. “Please… Please, Padrone, get up.”
I stand shakily. This is the first time I’ve gone to my knees, but he’s the one who deserves it. I stop him before he can call me Padrone again, saying, “I am no longer your Master. I’m not Padrone at all anymore.”
