There’s a numbness that spreads through me as I flee Javi’s office. The familiar feeling makes me choke on a sob.
The last time I felt this way was after the fire at the Amato house. When Roman got so badly hurt that he’s still dealing with the results, as Jayden puts him through PT for his wrist. Then, Emilio saved me when my thoughts spiraled so much that I couldn’t breathe, and all I wanted was to hurt.
Now, there’s no one around to hold me up. Not that I deserve it.
“You’re deliberately hurting your submissive.”
Javi’s words are like a knife to the heart. Fuck, it would have been kinder if he actually put a knife in my chest. Just…end it now.
Reaching for my knife, wondering if Javi would come out to check on me or let me die here, I jump when a voice speaks up behind me.
“Don’t give the poor maids more work.”
I spin around to face Connor as he leans against the wall outside of Javi’s office. His dark blond hair is messy in a “I woke up like this” kind of way, while there’s disinterest in his dark green eyes. I know better, though.
Snorting, I shake my head. “I don’t have?—”
“Time for this,” he finishes for me. “Yes, I know. It’s an excuse I’ve been hearing since Javi gave you to me. Funny, I thought building trust with Roman was going to be difficult, but at least he’s willing to sneak looks at me when he believes I’m not paying attention. You…you’re choosing avoidance. How’s that strategy working out for you?”
I sneer, but he doesn’t pay me any mind. “I can’t do this. Not now…”
If he hears the desperation in my voice, he doesn’t give a shit about it, as he pushes forward. “Then when?” he asks. “Before or after we find you bleeding out on the floor?”
I flinch, forcing myself to remove my fingers from my knife, leaving it where it sits at my hip.
Connor softens his tone a little. “I’m sorry. But I don’t have any problem dishing out what you give me.”
“Aren’t you supposed to beunderstanding?”
Dark green eyes bore into mine. “I’m very understanding. At least, I thought I was when your fucking partner kidnapped me. When Javi threw you and one of your Boys at me. I had a good thing going for me, you know. I don’t have to be here. I could go back to my life, my clients, the people who need someone in their corner who believes in them and won’t let them go through their pain alone.”
I flinch, his words widening the wound Javi already left behind.“Who does Sandro have?Nobodywas truly there for him.”
Fuck, Javi is right. I’m a terrible Owner. Not just to Lio, but to everyone I claim as mine.
A wounded, vulnerable sound leaves my throat, and I reach for my knife again. Connor moves, and he proves to be faster and better trained than I am, despite all of Tennant’s efforts.
Shoving me against the wall, he disarms me. “We can do this the easy or hard way,” he says.
I let out a sob, my chest aching as everything begins to crash down around me. I cling to Connor, the walls of my perfectly locked-away past crumbling as it becomes hard to breathe.
I want to hurt myself. I want to feel the pain, the despair… I deserve it.
“Sandro gets up every day and fights.”
He does. Tennant and I challenged him, we forced him to prove why he deserves the Pup, and every single fucking day, he’s done that. Even when it breaks him apart inside.
“I respect you.”
Fuck. Would he say the same now if asked?
“You and he aren’t so different.”
“Doc’s going to drug you if you don’t come with me. Do you want that?” The soft words cut through the pain of my mind, and I blink the tears from my eyes, meeting Connor’s again.
“No… Please…”
“Then come with me.”
