“Hey, Stone. We did it,” Tristan says as if trying to convince himself it was the right choice. “Just don’t tell anyone about it.” He pats the kelpie’s neck, then attaches one of the blue roses to the saddle before turning to give me a lift.
We’re quiet for the long minutes of our descend from Melancholy Peak, and I’m forced to chew on how disappointing this day has been. So much pain and anguish, and for what? To see in grayscale and hear sobs in every noise coming from the nature around us? I saw a unicorn.A unicorn, and all I can think about is that I miss the easy relationship I’ve been developing with Tristan.
“You’re free to go back home if you wish. I will arrange for whatever your choice ends up being.”
That wall from yesterday is still between us. I miss the fun camaraderie of living together. Those few days, even despite the yearning that was eating at my soul, showed me what life with Tristan could be. Tristan showing me tricks he taught Lady, reading books to him, trying new foods, discussing far away cities we could visit. I was the one who fractured that reality. And while romance can exist between people who don’t share a shadow bond, or even those who have Dark Companions of their own, my hope dims with every step taken by the kelpie. Because my insistence on this has proved I don’t fully trust Tristan, and what kind of relationship can be built onthat?
“I—would you mind if I stayed?” I ask softly. What I really want to know is if he can ever forgive me, but asking such a question now would be cruel, so I don’t go there.
“Not at all. You could learn about healing the animals in the Nightmare Realm, and there are so many you were interested in—” The soul crushing, and unexpected sob that follows leaves me stunned.
At first, I freeze, but when Tristan shifts behind me, I grab the horn of the saddle and stabilize my body as I twist back with my heart in my throat.
“I apologize,” he chokes out, hiding his face with his arm, but I’m not letting him dismiss me.
“No… Tristan… please,” I utter, trying to hug him, but when that only results in an ache in my shoulders, I raise my leg and awkwardly move to face him in the saddle.
I can barely hear over the frantic pulsing in my ears, but it doesn’t matter, because everything about this moment is wrong, and I need, need, need to hug him. He doesn’t fight me when I put my thighs over his and wrap my arms around his torso to hold him close.
As soon as my cheek settles on his chest, I’m overcome by a sense of peace only comparable with how I felt in his arms.
This is where I’m meant to be. This man soothes all my hurts and aches. He makes me feel safe and loved, and I repaid him by causing all this misery. I sense the sobs ripping out of his throat in whole-body shudders as his firm arms weave around me the way his shadow had and, oh, this is how I want to feel for the rest of my life. How did I not see that he wasn’t standoffish? All this time, he was trying to be strongfor me, and I took it for anger.
“Maybe it’s just this place,” he utters, “but I can’t fight this sorrow. I failed you, and I will never wash off the shame of that. And you will always hurt because of it. I was supposed to protect you, and I failed.”
“No,” I rasp and cup his damp face with both hands, my nose gathering tears off his cheeks. “You didn’t fail me. You did your best. What happened was only Gloombane’s fault, and if you hadn’t saved me from him, maybe he’d have gone through with his threats and fed me to sea creatures. You saved me, Tristan, you gave me a new life,” I whisper, my voice cracking when I sob.
I was so selfish.
He’s done everything he could, but I was so desperate to wallow in my pain and find someone to blame for it that he now has to wrestle this guilt.
“My best wasn’t good enough. I should have seen the signs. I shouldn’t have let him bond with you when he acted displeased.I was naive to let you go with him, and then dumb enough to not read what was plain to see in the letters.” Tears fall down his cheeks in endless rivulets I’m desperate to stop.
“Tristan,” I whisper, pressing our foreheads together as his hug tightens. “No! I forbid you from saying such things. Because I love you so much, and I can’t stand you talking like this about yourself.”
My heart skips a beat when his golden eyes meet mine. “Me? You love me? Even now, I burdened you further…”
I lean in for a kiss. It’s messy, wet with our tears, but the sweetness of it feeds the hole in my chest, and all I want is to mend this beautiful thing I broke. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tristan. Of course I love you. You’re my hero. I would be dead if it wasn’t for you!”
“Gloombane might have—”
“No.Youpulled me out from the river when I was dying, Tristan. You saved me and Lady. I was only ever yours.”
His eyes are puffy, his face wet and red, but a smile still shyly appears on his lips. “I love you. I meant it last night.”
“And I loveyou,” I repeat, braver now and more certain in the decision growing inside me. For weeks now, I’ve been mourning the perfect happily ever after for my knight and myself, and I’ve been so self-absorbed in my grief that I refused to look at how much Tristan has been hurt by everything that happened. My gentle, chivalrous Tristan, who tracked down a real-life unicorn for me, despite knowing it would break his heart.
The decision was a mistake, but I will never again doubt him.
“Marry me, Tristan.”
He rubs away some tears from his eyes and sniffs. “You can’t mean it…” he says with so much hope, looking at me like I’m made of gold.
When I first speak, I’m confident I’ll be able to keep my voice level, but it’s just an illusion, and it shrinks halfway through thesentence. “I miss you. You are here, and I still miss you. Your warmth is no longer there to reassure me whenever I need it. Even when you lived in my darn wall, I fell asleep, soothed by your heartbeat. Please, if you can forgive me… let’s do it. The full moon is all we need, right?” I ask, gesturing at the beautiful silver orb above.
His eyes grow wider, and he strokes the hair that sticks out from under my hat. “That only matters for the Dark Companion kind of marriage.”
Does he still not understand?
