“You’re right about one thing,” I said. “I’m brave, you’re not. Because this is what you do. It’s what you did with Catalina, right?”
His jaw flexed. “Don’t.”
“You got low and when she tried to be there for you, you pushed her away?”
“Don’t.”
“When should I expect your letter?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he snapped, stepping toward me. “From the second we met, I have never given any indication that my life was perfect. I’m a fucking mess. That’s not a secret. And then you show up and make your mess just as obvious. You spill it everywhere you go. You’re telling me everything changed for you in Chicago? I’ve been fucked out of my head since you walked into Sequest in that dress.” He looked up at the sky, throat bobbing. “And I thoughtmaybe. Maybe because you’re messed up, too, this could work. I want it so bad, Vi. It’s you. I had myself convinced I liked being alone and now I miss you when you’re in the next room. I think about going back to Boston and being with you. Letting you and Phoebe loose in my apartment to put some life and color into it. I want to wake up and see hints of you, even if you’re not next to me.”
Emotional whiplash grabbed me by the throat. I’d thoughthe was ending this. Maybe he meant to. But he didn’t want that—he wanted me, a future together, and the only thing standing in the way was his own brain. He couldn’t get a grip. And he wouldn’t tell mewhy.
“I want that too. Why can’t you let yourself have something?”
His shoulders rose in a breath and then his eyes shifted over my shoulder, his pinched expression smoothing into pure horror, and he took off running. I wheeled around in time to see a shock of pink slipping down the cliff and Dex diving down after her.
Twenty-one
“It’s fine,” Phoebe said for the tenth time in as many seconds. “I’m fine.”
I still couldn’t catch my breath. My heart was somewhere in the dirt by Dex’s car. “You’re bleeding,” I said, voice trembling. Everything was trembling. I would’ve thought we were having an earthquake if the kind stranger tending to Phoebe’s wounds wasn’t applying medicine with steady hands.
“I skinned my knees. It’s fine.” She looked over her shoulder. “Dex, tell her I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You’re bleeding.”
“Skinned knees! God.”
I sat back on my heels, seeing spots. Still dazed. Still paralyzed with the terror of watching my sister fall off a cliff and Dex following without hesitation. People screamed, gasped, jumped into action to help. For the longest second in world history, I couldn’t move. I saw the teachers’ lounge. I saw the ICU. I saw a nurse unplugging my father. I saw Phoebe, broken and lifeless, and Dex right beside her.
No, I’d thought as I forced myself forward.No no no no no.
They didn’t fall far. Dex managed to grab hold of Phoebe and maneuver their bodies so he took the brunt of the hit, landing on a shallow ledge two feet down. A few of the others who’d stopped to look at the view helped them back up. The moment they were safe on solid ground, I’d vomited.
But they were okay, save for some bumps and blood. They were okay.
I glanced up at Dex, trying to meet his eye. He remained focused on Phoebe, his arms hanging limply at his sides. For the first time since we’d met, his shirt was wrinkled, stained with dirt.
The stranger finished cleaning Phoebe’s knees and covered them with Band-Aids. She stood up, a little wobbly on her feet, our dad’s camera grasped tightly in her hands.
“I’m okay,” she said again, extending a hand to me. I took it, letting her help me up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Or make you throw up. I know how much you hate throwing up.”
I rubbed my eyes. “I’m just…”
“I’m fine.”
“Adrenaline.”
“Huh?”
“You feel fine right now because adrenaline is pumping through your veins.” I dropped my hand to look at Phoebe, eyes sweeping over for something broken, out of place. “Once you calm down, something might be wrong.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted. “Dex is the one who’s hurt.”
I whipped around. He’d brushed off the stranger with the first aid kit, standing away from the thinning crowd. He narrowed his eyes and said, “No, I’m not.”
“Are you hurt?”
