“It was terrifying, Vi. You were terrifying,” he went on, shaking his head. “You felt everything so loudly. You didn’t care who knew. It was intimidating, but it was also addicting. You were…fascinatingto me. Someone who lost so much, who wasn’t afraid to feel every second of it, and still believe in a bright side.” He stepped closer to me, his hand sliding up my neck to cradle my jaw. “At first, I tried to pass it off as morbid curiosity, but the more time I spent with you, the more time Iwantedto spend with you. I knew I needed to tell you, but I wasn’t sure if I’d already taken too long to do it, or if I could do it at all in the state I was in. That letter was suffocating me. It felt like Benji was sitting on my shoulders. He was everywhere and it was too much, but it was also…”
“Good,” I whispered, finishing his thought. “You realized it was good to have his memory around. You didn’t need to repress it.”
He nodded. “But that didn’t make it easier. I rehearsed what I would say in the shower and I’d just end up crying like a baby, right back where I was when I found out he was gone. Like I hadn’t moved an inch.”
“It feels like that sometimes.” I swallowed hard and placed my hand over his. “I think it’s always gonna take our breath away. But we are further from it, Dex. The fact that you’re talking to me about this, that you’ve been opening up to me, is proof of that.”
He exhaled and leaned in to press his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I wish I’d told you.”
“I get it.” My hands moved to his shirt, making fists around the fabric. “I really do.”
“And what I said at the lookout.” He dragged himself back to look in my eyes. “It was pathetic and I was drowning, so I tried to push you away. I won’t do that again.”
I smiled. “We’ll make new mistakes.”
“Better ones,” he promised.
“I’m going to kiss you,” I said. His eyes flared. “But I want to know something first.”
“Anything.”
No hesitation whatsoever. I knew now he would’ve read off his Social Security number and his mother’s maiden name if I’d asked.
“Should I call you Dex or August?” His expression softened and he pulled me in closer, his lips brushing my cheek.
“My friends started calling me Dex in college and it stuck. A lot of people in my life call me August. My family. Co-workers. Bree when I piss her off.” He hesitated. “Benji.”
“You don’t have a preference?”
“Nah. Whatever you want.”
“Maybe I’ll just start calling you ‘gorgeous.’ Throw out the others entirely.”
I felt his teeth graze my cheek as he grinned. “I do admire innovation.”
I turned my head, slipping my mouth against his. A rough sound ground from his throat and he hauled me up, anchoring me with one hand on my ass; I gasped into his mouth, legs wrapping around his waist, fingers tangling in his hair as he pressed me into cool metal.
“I was gonna take my time,” he said against my lips. An involuntary whine left me. “But now I’m thinking about fucking you against the door.”
I nodded furiously. “I’m good with that.”
As if on cue, someone knocked on the other side, rattlingagainst my back. Dex groaned and dropped his head to my shoulder. Pushing down the disappointment, I twisted around to look through the peephole. Arden.
“Just a sec,” I murmured, squeezing Dex’s shoulders. He set me down and scanned the room casually, as if he wasn’t sporting an impressive hard-on. I cracked the door open, poking my head through. “What’s up?”
Arden stared at me for a moment. “Are you… naked?”
“No.”
“Is he inside you right now? I swear to god—”
“No.” I opened the door a bit farther to prove I was clothed. “Thanks for the heads-up, by the way.”
“You mean like the heads-up you gave me when Noah was proposing?” Her face split into a grin. “I was just letting you know that Phoebe’s at our place. You guys can come over when you’re… finished.”
I slammed the door. I could hear her laughing through it.
“Sorry,” I said, shooting Dex a smile. He nodded, his eyes locked on something over my shoulder. I twisted. The carving:At least tomorrow. I moved into him, pressing up on my toes to kiss his jaw. “You didn’t tell me Benji was an optimist.”
