When he didn’t speak, I added, “I only ask because, well, I thought, maybe… I broke code or something.” A nervous laugh escaped. “I’m sorry if that sounds stupid. I don’t know how these things work.”
“I’m not a priest. I haven’t taken a vow of celibacy. I don’t even go to church anymore. God and I have a… different relationship now.”
“Oh. Okay. Good. I mean… Is that good? I don’t know if that’s good.” I laughed at myself because I’d never felt this uncomfortable in my life.
“It is what it is.”
“Regardless, I should have listened when you told me to back off, and I shouldn’t have teased you about…” For whatever reason, I didn’t want to say erection to a guy who valued religion, so I made a gesture to my crotch, encompassing what I meant. “I’m not that person. I don’t want to be that person. I’m truly sorry. I was an ass.”
Gale studied me for a long time. “I thought it was an act. I thought you were making fun of me and would race off and tell your friends and out me all over town. Humiliate me. Call me names. I don’t know.”
“I would never do that.”
“How would I know?”
“Is that really what you thought?”
He shrugged.
The fact that Gale’s first instinct was that I might do something so horrible bothered me.A lot.“Well, I’m telling you I would never do that. I hope you believe me.”
“Are you really bisexual?”
“Yes, and I really wanted to kiss you. I… should have approached it differently.”
The wary crease returned to his brow, and I wasn’t sure what caused it, nor did I know what else to say. Perhaps it was time to bow out. Maybe Gale would prefer to be alone.
As I was about to retreat, he spoke. “I’m sorry too.”
“For what?”
Gale ducked his chin and stared at the ground. “For freaking out. I’ve never—”
“Kissed anyone before?”
“No.” An edge of irritation entered his tone. “I have. Once.”
“At the seminary?”
“You’re very stuck on that. Let it go.”
“Sorry.”
He kicked absently at the protruding root before saying, “It’s a long story, but… I made a mistake with a guy once, and the consequences were devastating.”
I really wanted him to elaborate, but talking about that part of his life seemed to upset him, so I stayed quiet and took what he was willing to give.
“The point is, I’m afraid to… I don’t trust… People have been cruel in the past. I’m pretty messed up.”
And I’d done nothing to prove I was any different. A person could only say they were sorry so many times. It was time to walk away, but my feet refused to move. Kissing Gale wasn’t what I regretted. It was how I’d gone about it.
For all the world, I didn’t know why I wanted to do it again. I was the last thing he needed. Ozrik Devereaux was not someone who did relationships, and Gale was certainly not a man who would support emotionless flings.
His focus was on the ground, but when I stepped forward, entering his line of sight and personal bubble, he lifted his chinand met my gaze. Worry, mistrust, and a metric ton of panic radiated from his eyes.
“I was wondering,” I started, “with your permission, if we could try that kiss again.”
I held out my hand, an invitation. An offering. He could accept it or reject it. I would respect his decision either way.
