Gale continued to silently stare.
“Fuck. What can I say to fix this? Are you mad? Do you want to punch me?” I spread my arms. “Take a free shot. I deserve it. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Why?” His voice was barely audible.
“Why? What do you mean why? I don’t understand.”
“Whydid you kiss me?”
“Oh.” Was he serious? “Because I wanted to. I wrongly assumed you might want the same thing.”
Gale didn’t confirm or deny my assumption. For a while, he focused his gaze on the ground. Then, without a word, he continued walking. Away from the house and into the dark.
Unsure what else to do, I followed a few steps behind. After a time, he entered a lightly wooded area and didn’t stop until he reached an ancient walnut. He ran his sneaker over a protruding root and absently kicked the trunk a few times. He picked at the bark, surveyed the surrounding trees, then glanced at the canopy overhead. The branches and leaves blocked the stars and sky.
Eventually, he spoke, his voice quiet and strained. “He doesn’t know. No one does.”
I didn’t have to ask who or what he meant. I’d never been one to shy away from my sexuality, but I knew tons of people who fell on the queer spectrum who did. Living a loud, proud, and open lifestyle wasn’t for everyone. I respected that. The world was unkind, especially in our neck of the woods.
“I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
He didn’t respond, still staring at the treetops. A thin slice of moonlight bled through the canopy and kissed his pale cheeks. It hugged the curve of his lips, chin, and neck. I couldn’t help staring. He looked… vulnerable.
More questions surfaced, and I took a chance since we were alone. “Is that why you joined the seminary?”
A sad smile tugged at Gale’s mouth. “No.”
Considering his earlier reticence with the topic, I didn’t expect him to elaborate, so when he kept talking, I stayed quiet and still so I wouldn’t disturb the moment.
“It had nothing to do with it. At the time, joining the seminary seemed a logical next step. I wanted to dedicate my life to God. I guess you could say I was drawn to it.”
“Like a vocation?”
“Sure.”
He paused long enough that I chanced asking, “Is it why you left?”
Gale huffed a humorless laugh and turned to me. “You think I left the seminary because I suddenly discovered I was gay? No. I knew I was gay long before I joined.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Why is that important?”
“It’s not. I’m curious, and I want to understand what happened in the Jeep the other day.”
“There isn’t anything to explain.”
I huffed a humorless laugh. “I disagree. I kissed you, and you ran like your ass was on fire. Can I ask you something?”
Gale tensed and closed his eyes like he was bracing for impact. He didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no, either, so I plowed ahead.
“Are you… um…” It dawned on me that what I wanted to ask was highly personal and none of my business.
“Am I?”
“Are you… like, celibate?” I winced. “I mean… You left the seminary, and not all religions follow that practice, but doyoufollow that practice?”
Gale side-eyed me. A sardonic smile tugged at his lips, but I didn’t know what it meant.
