Now fully decent, he spins on his heel to face me. “What the hell are you doing in here?”
Like a devoted spouse who swore to support me through the good and the very bad times, Drew reluctantly steps out from behind me, cheeks flushed a deep crimson.
“We… uh… were looking for somewhere private.”
He arches a brow at me. “So you thought you’d check behind this particular curtain?”
Mom adjusts the strap on her dress, looking about as horrified as I feel. “This little mishap needs to stay between the four of us.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” I immediately respond. “I plan to schedule a double lobotomy as soon as possible.”
Mom deadpans at me, her eyes drifting down to her right.
Thinking I’m being helpful and she might’ve lost an earring, I shine my torch where she’s looking.
She hadn’t lost an earring.
I close my eyes the second I register the blue butt plug sitting on the floor.
“We were reenacting our wedding night. After all these years, we didn’t think the stage would still be here, but it is,” Dad explains, like somehow adding additional details to the horror show will reduce the number of therapy sessions I’ll require.
“Please, Drew, make them stop.” I quietly beg.
“Do you want to go to our hotel room now?” she asks.
Eyes still closed, I nod once and let her lead me back down the stairs and away from the crime scene.
“Well, William,” she breathes out, the sound of Mom and Dad’s laughter filtering from behind us as we leave and close the door. “If this isn’t an advertisement for the benefits of following the rules, then I don’t know what is.”
three
. . .
Frosting can get fucked
Will
The following morning,I’ve resisted the urge to gouge my eyes out using the lone spoon next to the coffee maker in our hotel room, and I ride the elevator to the lobby, working on erasing the memory of my parents in a compromising position last night.
All I’m saying is I’m grateful for their early flight to Barbados because I’m going to need at least three working decades before I set eyes on them again.
I’m halfway to the onsite coffee shop when my cell vibrates in my hand.
Drew
You know what I hate most in life?
Me
Waking up without caffeine readily available?
Drew
Well that. But something far more serious…
Waking up to an empty bed. Where’s my morning cuddle?
Me
