3e. Ignore the fact he is getting divorced.
4. DO NOT agree to further dates with Laurence. Remember: it’s no use having a boyfriend who is good on paper if you do not actually fancy him.
4. Forget that Laurence even EXISTS (despite usefulness of overblown ‘romantic’ gestures for creating illusion of deeply devoted boyfriend. Try not to spin any more tales re ‘boyfriend’ though – don’t want story to get too complicated … ) – situation is already quite complicated enough.
5. Try to remember Mum means well, even during phone calls where sheimplies I am doomed to a lonely life of penury because I am thirty with no partner, hardly any savings and no mortgageinsists on talking about the babies/breasts of people I went to school with.
6. HOWEVER,do not(!!!) speak to Mum when suffering PMT. Set phone alerts for likely spells based on period tracker intel.
7. Try to address ‘hardly any savings’ situation.(If promoted, set aside extra earnings for future house deposit instead of spaffing it all on ASOS.)(Do not spend entire pay rise on‘cheer up’ treats to distract from heinous ex-boyfriend mess.)hot new outfits for work – see 3c.)
8. Try to eat my five-a-day. (Remember horrid rule that potatoes do not count.)
9.Start using proper night cream with retinol.SERIOUSLY.Regularly apply retinol cream purchased from Boots in pursuit of perfect, Dev-style skin.
10. Do the best possible job helping Tom with exhibition. Be supportive and discreet re Oscar. Avoid arguing with Tom about Jack.
11. Be a good friend (and bridesmaid) to Anna. Help with wedding organisation and keep selfish, sad worries about how much I’ll miss her to myself.
12. Find a way to end fake boyfriend pretence before it fucks up entire life.
28
The atmosphere between Anna and Rachel had been strained for several weeks now – ever since the night of Rachel’s birthday party.
On the hung-over Sunday that followed her fake date with Tom, Anna had been scathing of Rachel’s dishonesty and openly disappointed in her for lying to her work colleagues – especially Greg.
‘He isn’t just someone you share an office with,’ she’d said. ‘He’s yourfriend. And you’ve told him a gigantic fib for reasons I’m still struggling to fathom.’
Anna also seemed aware that something had happened between Rachel and Tom, though Rachel hadn’t offered any explanation for the tension between them. Whatever she was blaming it on, Anna had certainly noticed Rachel’s new and ongoing nervousness around Tom – as well as his reluctance to be left by himself with her, even just while washing up, queuing for drinks or waiting for someone else to come back from the bathroom.
Rachel and Anna had spent barely any time alone together lately. Anna was at Will’s a lot, or he – and sometimes Tom – were at their place.
Neither Rachel nor Anna had mentioned the distance between them, but something hostile hung in the space that had suddenly opened up. Disquiet followed them around like a rain cloud: a dark, heavy thing that threatened to burst with no warning.
Rachel was dreading this morning. It was Anna’s final wedding dress fitting and she was going along to see her in her gown, as well as look at the selection of bridesmaid dresses Zahra had sourced. It was going to feel weird sitting there, chatting about pretty clothes as though nothing had happened. As if nothing was wrong.
To make matters worse, Rachel knew she was overdue a (probably irate) phone call from her parents. She’d been dodging them for days, trying to avoid talking to them about when she’d be moving – when she’d need their help to shift her boxes, bed frame and the few bits of eBayed furniture she owned.
They wanted to know where she was movingto, but she didn’t know herself yet. Her mother seemed full of ideas on this front, but Rachel didn’t want to hear them. Apparently some Irish cousin was moving to London and needed a roommate, but Rachel hadn’t bothered to ask who, when or why.
Dad had sent her a text already, and it was only 8 a.m.
Dad:For the love of god, call your mother – she’s driving me to drink with moaning that she needs to talk to you. (Also we want to know you’re all right.) x
Rachel messaged back:
Rachel:Sorry Dad – busy Saturday. Wedding dress fitting with Anna and then the final exhibition photo shoot with Tom this afternoon. Will call tonight, PROMISE. And don’t worry – I’m fine x
An hour or so later Rachel was showered, dressed and had seen away two Weetabix and a banana.
‘Ready to go?’ Anna asked her, clipped and businesslike.
‘Yep. Just let me grab my bag.’
They made awkward small talk on the way up to Tempo, mostly about wedding stuff: Anna’s final choice of flowers, the table plan, the guest list and the annoying handful of friends whostillhadn’t RSVP’d.
Rachel listened more than she talked. After all, what could she say? Anna still didn’t know Rachel was working for Lighthouse – she’d never found the right moment to mention it, and the longer she held back the weirder it would seem that she’d kept quiet. Nor did Anna know that Jack had made a play for Rachel … Or that Rachel felt like her insides turned to mush every time she remembered kissing Tom.
