The worst thing is how stupid I am; I let them hurt me. I let them get to me, and after all the shit that’s been said and done, I’m the only one that’s hurt. I’m not naive enough to think that there’s anything that can be done to change what’s happened. It’s done.
So why the fuck am I still hurting? Why the hell do I still care?
I finish my tea and decide it’s time to shower. I can’t stay in bed all day. If I did, it would only give Mam and Daire more ammunition. Sighing, I get out of bed and go shower before getting ready for the day.
An hour later, my phone buzzes with a reminder.
Wedding Dress Appointment: O’Shaughnessy’s Bridal Boutique. 10 am.
Crap, I forgot that was today. Damn it.
God, I don’t really feel like going. Not today. Hell, I don’t even want to get married. Not now that Daire’s ruined everything. Lorenzo thinks I'm a psycho bitch who drove an innocent girl to suicide. He thinks that’s who I am, and he believes that I’m capable of such a thing. I had thought that we were getting close, that our marriage wouldn’t be cold and detached. I had hoped that we would start to form a friendship.
Oh, there’s that stupid hope again. That’s all that I have ever done to myself. Get my hopes up only to have them dashed time and time again.
I make my way downstairs, surprised to find the house extremely quiet.
“Miss Quinn?” Mamie asks as I enter the kitchen where she’s currently cleaning. “How are you feeling? Has your headache eased?”
I give her a small grateful smile. “A bit better,” I reply. “Have you seen Mam or Daire?” I ask, trying to sound as normal as possible. I don’t really want to see either of them, but we have an appointment in an hour and I need them here.
I watch as her face pales. “I’m sorry, Miss Quinn. They left for the day. They said they were taking a trip to The Hamptons for the week. They took your father’s jet this morning.”
Of course they did. I shouldn’t be surprised, this is usually what happens when Daire gets caught up in trouble. Mam will whisk her off for a week to let things ‘cool down’ and The Hamptons are their favorite place to travel. Mam’s from New York and she and Da met while in The Hamptons.
“Oh,” I mumble as tears spring to my eyes. I don’t know why I’m crying. I dislike both Mam and Daire, but I had thought that they’d be here. God, why do I always let them and their actions affect me?
“Would you like me to find someone to come with you, today?”
Oh God, she knows why I was looking for them? Could this get any more humiliating?
“No,” I say through the tears that are threatening to fall. “I’ll be fine, thank you.”
The softness in her eyes is too much for me to bear. I turn on my heels and leave the kitchen. Yesterday should have made me realize that I don’t matter when it comes to my mam. I should have known that she wouldn’t be here today. There’s no need to keep up with pretenses, especially when there’s no one around to watch.
I make my way out of the house and grab my car keys. If no one’s coming with me, then I may as well get it over and done with. Walking outside, I notice that no one's car is here, not even my da’s men. Which isn’t unusual, but there’s usually one or two men watching the house at all times, and right now, I can’t see anyone.
The drive to O’Shaughnessy’s Bridal Boutique is somber. I try my hardest not to cry and let the crap of yesterday and today hit me. I need to push it to the side and try to move past it. I don’t know how, but all I know is that I can’t continue living by pretending that I have ‘normal’ parents. Really, I don’t have any at all. Mamie and the other staff were the ones to raise me. They’re the ones that gave a fuck about me and my wellbeing. They’re the ones that know who I really am and what Daire is truly like. To me, they’re my family. Not Ronan and Bridget Delaney and certainly not Daire. I just need to make peace with that and I’ll be okay.
Parking my car in O’Shaughnessy’s Bridal Boutique’s lot, I notice a car that’s familiar. My heart starts to hammer against my chest as I exit my car and lock it. I see the door opening and I bite back a sob when I see Daithí climbing out of his car.
“You didn’t think I’d let you do this alone, now, did you?” he asks with a wry grin.
I don’t answer, because the truth is, I did think I’d be doing this alone. He notices my pause and comes to stand in front of me. Within seconds, I’m wrapped in his arms as he holds me against him.
"You're not okay," Daithí says softly, pulling back so that he’s watching me. “I’m so fucking sorry, Quinn. I should have done better on so many things when it comes to you.”
"I'm managing," I tell him honestly. I’m managing in the only way I know, by burying everything down deep so it won’t escape and break me. I have a feeling if the emotions that I’ve buried escape, it’ll bring me to my knees and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to recover from it.
"That's not the same thing, Quinn, and we both know it’s not."
"No," I agree. "It's not."
He glances at me. "We have fifteen minutes before your appointment begins. I want you to talk to me, Quinn. You have fifteen minutes to let everything out and not let it fester. I am here with you, you’re safe."
I breathe in, not letting a single minute pass. "I hate my life, Daithí. I hate who I am because it’s not really me. I don’t know who Quinn really is, I've been molded to be different people and play a part." I take a deep breath, my tears falling and I don’t stop them. “I’ve been lied about. I’ve been hurt both physically and mentally by my family. The very people that are supposed to love me. Caden was the only one I could fall back on when things got hard but even that had its limitations. Both you and Caden have to put the organization above everything which means doing exactly as Da says. I don’t have a single person in this world that I can fully trust. Do you know how lonely that is?”
He pulls me into his embrace once again.
