‘I think that the kids have given up enough already and it’s not fair for us to get in between them. Again.’
‘Again?’
Salman’s hand is sweaty with nerves, but I don’t let go.
‘Poppy and I used to date. Before you guys had this giant fight of yours. And we broke up because of it. But we care about each other too much to sacrifice this because of your feud.’ Salman’s words are stilted, but I’m not sure I could have done a better job.
‘And it’s not just their relationship that’s suffered. It’s their friendships, too,’ Ma says. ‘And I know it’s not your fault that we fell out in the first place. It’s mine and mine alone.’ Ma blinks rapidly, a tightness appearing around her eyes. ‘You were only trying to help me, and I took it as an attack when I shouldn’thave. You saw something in me that I already knew, but rather than accept that as proof that you knew me so well and deeply, I took it to mean that I was doing something wrong. That if my best friends could see that I was ready to date after only three years, that Rakib could too, and I didn’t want that to be the case.’
Hira Auntie is as still as a statue as she absorbs the information, her face impassive. Then her eyes turn glassy with tears and she asks, ‘Why didn’t you just tell me that?’
‘Because I was ashamed. I thought I was moving on too quickly.’
‘Grief doesn’t have a timeline, Bilkis,’ Azad Uncle says, his voice so quiet I barely hear him. ‘Some people take less than a year to move on while others never do, but there’s no roadmap foryourgrief.’
The silence that follows is so heavy, I can physically feel it in the air as I try to inhale.
‘You’re right, and I see that now. I couldn’t then. At the time, it just felt like you both wanted me to move on so that we could replace Rakib.’
‘We would never want to replace Rakib.’ Auntie’s voice trembles and my heart squeezes for her.Thisis the Hira Auntie I remember.
‘Whoever you choose to bring into your life next could never compare to him, but we didn’t want you to stop living your life. We wanted you to keep moving forward rather than stay stuck in the past.’
‘It just felt like I was betraying Rakib, so when you said you had somebody lined up for me, I felt guilty. I felt like if I moved on .?.?. I would lose him all over again and I didn’t want to face that.’
Hira Auntie inhales shakily. ‘Bilkis, you couldneverlose Rakib the way you did then. He’s in your heart and that’s where he’ll be until the end of time. Your love for him ensures that hismemory will never cease to exist.’
‘You deserve to be happy,’ Uncle adds. ‘You don’t have to keep hurting to keep him with you.’
Ma nods. ‘You’re both right. Love doesn’t disappear just because somebody dies. It’s always there.’
I place my hand on Ma’s and look her in the eyes. ‘Baba wouldn’t want you to be alone. He would want you to be loved. Dating somebody new won’t be a betrayal of him.’
Tears slide down Ma’s cheeks as she presses her forehead against mine for a second before she turns back to Auntie and Uncle. ‘I’m sorry, Hira and Azad. Although losing Rakib has been the biggest loss of my life, not having you in my life has been another loss, and I recognise that I’m the reason for that. So I come to you today to ask forgiveness. I know it won’t be easy, that too much time may have passed and that I was unreasona—’
Hira Auntie is up and has her arms around Ma before she can finish her sentence. ‘Our friendship is worth more than the mistakes we’ve made,’ she says through sobs. ‘I’ve missed you so much, Bilkis.’
‘Oh, Hira.’ Ma stands up so that Hira Auntie doesn’t need to bend down any more and puts her arms around her, too. ‘Thank you for caring enough to say what I wasn’t brave enough to.’
‘That’s what friends do,’ Azad Uncle says from his seat. ‘We knew it was a risk and that you might be angry, but at the end of the day all we wanted was for you to be happy.’
‘Does this mean you forgive me?’ Ma asks, her voice low, as if she still can’t believe that Hira Auntie is hugging her.
Hira Auntie steps out of the hug and wipes the tears from her cheeks. ‘Hira, we only stayed away because you wanted us to. We’ve been aching to see you for months. Of course we forgive you. We all make mistakes.’
‘But I was so ridiculous. I cut you off like –’
‘We were just hoping you’d come back when you were ready, and it seems it worked.’
‘But you do know, now we’re friends again, that we’ll come over every Friday night, right? Poor Poppy hasn’t had a decent chingri malai curry in months,’ Ma says with a small laugh.
Hira Auntie releases herself from the hug, her face blotchy from tears. ‘I would expect nothing less.’
‘In fact, I’m sure we’ve got some in the freezer if you’d like to stay for dinner?’ Azad Uncle asks. Ma nods, and my heart warms at the sight of our families reconciling.
Hira Auntie’s eyes fill with tears again and Ma wipes them away with her thumb. For a long time, they just look at each other, adoration in their eyes. As if they can’t believe that, after all this time, they’re here, together. Something they didn’t think would ever happen again.
‘You know, you’re no better than us teenagers,’ Salman jokes. ‘All you guys needed was a proper conversation and it could have all been solved.’
