I could feel Drew’s eyes on me from across the ice.
He’d never fully trusted me with his sister, and I’d gone and proved him right, although I was pretty sure he didn’t know for sure that we’d broken up. If he had, I hadno doubt I’d be in the hospital right now instead of on the ice.
I could practically feel the questions radiating off him. It was clear he knew something had happened. Ava must have been acting differently too, even if she hadn’t told him what I’d done. Drew wasn’t stupid—he could read his twin better than anyone.
He skated up beside me during the next drill, close enough that no one else could hear. “You want to tell me what the hell is going on?”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Bullshit.” His voice was low but intense. “Ava won’t talk to me. You look like someone ran over your dog.” He grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at him. “What did you do?”
The accusation in his voice shouldn’t have stung—he was right to assume I was the one who’d fucked up. But it still hit me deep. He really knew how to kick a man when he was down.
“Just drop it, Drew.”
“Like hell I will. That’s my sister?—”
“And if she wanted you to know she’d tell you.”
He searched my face, and whatever he saw there made some of the anger drain out of his expression. “Jesus, Liam. What the fuck happened with you two? You look like shit.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m serious.” He lowered his voice further. “I don’t know what’s going on, and honestly, I’m not sure I want to. But you’re still my best friend. And right now you look like you’re barely holding it together.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I couldn’t tell him the truth—that I’d broken his sister’s heart because I was terrified of turning into my father. That I’d lied to her face andtold her she was just a chase, a temporary thrill. That I was drowning in regret and didn’t know how to swim back to shore.
Any answer I gave him would change the title I still had in his life—and that title was the only window I had to see Ava, even if I knew I didn’t deserve it.
“I’m fine,” I said instead.
Drew didn’t believe me. I could see it in his eyes. But he just shook his head and skated away, leaving me alone with the weight of everything I’d destroyed.
The hockey house was too quiet.
Gordy and Sam were at the movies with Foster, Abby, and her brother, Mason. Drew was out with Harper and Rory. And I was sitting on the couch in the dark because I didn’t want anyone to know I was home.
I tried to remember what I used to do before Ava. I’d go to parties or bars and pick up women, but even the thought of being near any woman who wasn’t Ava made my skin crawl like ants had burrowed underneath.
So I just sat in the dark, oppressive quiet, letting the silence press in on me from all sides and suffocate me with everything I was trying not to think about.
I pulled out my phone before I could stop myself, thumb hovering over her name in my contacts.
Don’t.
I shoved the phone back in my pocket and went to the fridge instead. Nothing looked appealing. I grabbed a beer I didn’t want and sat back on the couch, staring at nothing.
The silence pressed in harder.
I thought about turning on the TV, but I knew I wouldn’t actually watch it. I could go to the gym, but I’d already worked out twice today. I considered calling one of the other hockey guys I was friends with, but the idea of pretending to be fine for another few hours made me want to put my fist through a wall.
So I just sat there. In the dark. Letting the emptiness swallow me whole.
Men as handsome as us have responsibilities to never settle down.
My father’s voice echoed in my head, as it had every day since that dinner. I’d believed him. I’d sat across from him in that restaurant and let his poison seep into my veins because some part of me had always been waiting for proof that I was exactly what I’d feared.
You’ve got my restless heart.
