He doesn’t let go right away. I feel him swallow against the side of my head, the small jerk of it before he steps back and clears his throat.
His eyes are red, and unlike me, he doesn’t hide his tears. “I should have come back earlier. I knew you needed me. I just couldn’t make myself do it. This place, this territory—”
“—It holds too many memories,” I finish roughly. “I know. You don’t have to explain.”
“Ah, fuck.” He wipes his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I told myself I’d hold it together.”
He drags a hand through his hair and exhales hard. “I’d practiced what to say to you. Forgot every word of it the second I saw your face.”
“Coach said you were coming back.” My voice scrapes. “He didn’t say it would be tonight.”
“He didn’t know.” Derek lets out a sound that’s almost a laugh, low and tired. “I drove past his place on my way in. The plan wasn’t to stop. The car ended up there anyway.”
I let outa shuddering breath and then pull him back in for a hug. “I’m glad you’re back, Derek.”
He holds me tightly, and I close my eyes for a second, both of us processing our grief, a reminder of the link between us which went silent four years ago.
When he pulls away, he clears his throat and asks, “How’s Vanessa?”
I blink, and then it occurs to me that he doesn’t know. “I divorced her. Two months after—” The words get stuck in my throat, and when I force them out, they come out lower. “After Gabriel.”
Derek looks shocked. “Why?”
I open my mouth, but the memory of walking into that hotel room with her and my rival player still angers me. I take a breath. “My game was off after losing Gabriel, and she thought I was—I don’t know what she thought, but she neglected Ethan and left him alone in the house for three days while I wasn’t there. I found her shacking up with a rival player when I went looking for her.”
Derek’s jaw tightens. “Two months after Gabriel, she cheated on you?”
I look toward the house for a minute. “I—I didn’t care about the cheating, Derek. It was the way she left my infant son to fendfor himself. She didn’t even arrange for someone to look after him. If I had gotten there a few hours later, he wouldn’t be here. I’d just lost Gabriel. She didn’t care that I could have lost my son.”
Derek hisses. “She wasn’t punished by Coach?”
“She was. She lost custody.” My upper lip curls in a sneer. “But it didn’t matter to her. She married Brent, the guy she was cheating on me with, and joined his pack. Our pack couldn’t punish her properly since she now claims to be with the other pack.”
Derek’s lips are pressed into a thin line. “That’s—You’ve been through a lot.”
I just tuck my hands in my pockets, not knowing what to do with them. “If you had stayed, it might have been easier. It felt like I lost both you and Gabriel together. Coach crashed here most nights for awhile. He was worried about me.”
Derek takes a step closer. “Grayson, if I’d known—”
I shrug. “It’s fine. I got through it. I kind of learned how to survive without you and Gabriel. Both of you chose to leave me.”
Derek swallows. “Gray.”
“Don’t call me that,” I say harshly. “Not anymore. That nickname died with my brother. Let it stay buried.”
Derek hesitates and then nods. We stand there in silence. The chasm between us has widened so much. We spent our childhoods together. Two brothers by blood and one by loyalty. And now it’s just us two left, but the pain of Derek’s abandonment has left scars in me, scars that I have tried my best not to look at till today.
I wet my lips and look toward the house where I know Miranda is waiting for me. Knowing her, she’s pressed against the window.
If you need help, just scream.
The memory of her words permeates through me with a soft warmth. I’m not alone anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if Miranda has armed herself with something to come rushing out at a moment’s notice.
That’s my girl.
“Where did you go?” I finally ask Derek, the thought of Miranda making some of the pain vanish.
Derek is quiet for a moment. “I went everywhere. A truck got me as far as Wyoming, where it gave out. After that, a ranch took me on for a year. The work was construction. My nights were spent in motels.” His shoulders move once. The gesture doesn’t sit right on him. “Every time I packed the car to come home, I sat in the driver’s seat for an hour before unpacking it again.”
