“I’m ninety-three percent sure it’s love, but if you happen to know the size of his dick, I could be more accurate. If you do know and the answer isbig, then I can probably confirm the hundred, but we don’t need to split hairs.”
Dad holds up his hand and covers his mouth as if he might throw up. When he’s recovered enough to speak, he shakes his head. “No way. She hates him.”
“It’s a love-hate situation, yes. More of a ‘hates that she loves him’ scenario, I think. Anyway. Kids on that horizon, you think?” I ask, directing him back to the original question.
Dad says nothing, and I nod. “Your silence speaks volumes, so let’s move on to Harper. Dear, sweet young Harper with her obsessive need to maintain a ‘fashion-ready body’ as she puts it. Do you see a baby bump on that kid anytime in the next ten to fifteen years?”
He’s just level-staring at me again. He understands what I’m saying now that I’ve made him consider the facts.
“You’re fifty-one, Dad.I’myour only hope of having grandkids before you’re too old to run around with them. Think about it. It’s like a second chance to redo all the things you regret not doing with your own kids, but with none of the parental responsibility. Sounds fun, right? Well, you’re in luck. I happen to adore children — with their non-judgmental ways and unconditional love — and I plan on having a shit-ton of them once I’ve got some of the finer details ironed out.”
Dad rubs at the creases in his forehead. “By finer details, do you mean setting yourself up financially and finding a partner? You told me on the ride here that the probability of a romance in your future was bleak. I wasrelieved… until you brought up this fucking grandkid conversation. How many kids are there in a shit-ton, exactly? And if people are all bullshitting dickheads like you said, where does that leave this idea of yours? Are you going to be one of those test-tube baby mamas? By yourself? It’s fuckinghard,Goose. What the fuck?”
“I’m very good at juggling, and yes, finances and a partner are all part of the equation. Why do you think I made you up the ante in the wager? I want my cut to be big enough to be a downpayment on a house. A big one. With a big yard. I know what I’m doing, Dad.”
His side-eye is condescending as fuck. “I don’t think you do, Goose. You’re twenty-one. Live a little.”
“Twenty-two,” I correct him. “And I live plenty.”
He narrows his gaze, as if measuring just how much living I could have done without his knowing. And apparently I look like I’ve done at least a little living, because in his next breath, he rumbles at me in a disparaging tone. “Well, you won’t be having gentlemen fucking callers onmymine site. You’re sharing a trailer with Sadie.”
“Wha—?” I’m about to argue when I see right through his bullshit once more. “Oh.”
“Ohwhat?”
“This tantrum is about Sadie,” I say, looking him squarely in the eyes. “You want us to be roomies because you don’t wantherto fuck anyone else. Smooth, Dad. If you had my interests at heart, I might listen, but you don’t. You have your own fucking agenda, and I’m being punished for it.”
“You are not,” he cries, pressing his hand to chest like I’ve wounded his honor. “What am I punishing you for?”
“Anything you see fit,” I growl at him. “How the fuck would I know? I’ve done nothing wrong, but I am definitely being punished here. She’s not sleeping in my trailer.”
“She is.”
“Fine.” I check over the options. “She can have it, and I’ll find another space. I’m not sharing with my new young stepmom-to-be. It’s too awkward for me, and it’ll come out in very direct, offensive ways. I’ll ruin your chances with her. If you’re not going to take her in — which is definitely the fastest way to test your compatibility — then give her the guest trailer, and I’ll bunk elsewhere.”
Dad drags his hand down his face. “Matters of the heart can be sensitive, Goose. Not everything should be done as fast and efficiently as possible.”
God, it’s like we’re from different planets. How we’re even related, I have no idea.
“Dad, I respectfully fucking disagree. This meeting is over.” I raise hislate-additionslist. “I have a ton of extra work to do, starting with rearranging accommodation. Are there any other surprises, or is this definitely it? Because if someone new shows up, I will purposely put some filthy-hot guy in with your lady friend, and there’s no way they won’t get cozy inside that little trailer.”
He stares at me. “Is that a threat?”
“Do youneedone?” I stare right back, unperturbed by any challenge.
Dad sucks on his side teeth as he considers my stubborn-as-fuck nature. “No. On your bike, then.”
He gestures at the door, and I head for it.
“Hey, Goose?”
“Mm?”
“Good chat,” he says, rubbing the sides of his brow as if he has a headache. “Terrifying, but good.”
I nod and give him a fake salute before ducking out.
21
