Chapter 46
“Elle!”
The panicked shouting pulls me from my peaceful dream.
Disoriented, I realize I’m coughing violently. Someone flips me over, and I touch a surface that’s cold and wet. And hard.
Realization strikes me violently. I open my eyes and turn back over, sucking in sharp intakes of air. I was in the water, and now I’m not.
When I finally turn over again, I’m greeted by a frantic pair of deep green eyes.
“Elle,” he sighs in relief.
Realizing his hand is around my waist as I look up at him, I scramble away and sit up. But glancing around, I realize we’re on a small paddle boat, and there’s no escaping him this time.
I sit on the far end. As far away from him as I can get. I narrow my eyes at him, trying to let him know how much hatred I hold for him with one glare.
“What in the curses were you thinking?” he asks.
I don’t answer.
The rain is still coming down hard, but I can see the island now. We’re drifting toward it.
“Elysande.” He says it firmly, with a drip of impatience.
I turn my head toward him, my eyes dead. It doesn’t matter if I drowned in that water. I’m dead inside either way. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been out here most days, still trying to swim to the mainland. I simply want to escape him. I don’t care what happens after that, where I go…
If I gave up drinking altogether, maybe I’d be showing more progress. Maybe I would’ve made it off the island by now.
Maybe not.
But I can’t sit alone with my thoughts clear-headed. I want to shut them out. That’s what swimming has done for me.
“What?” I finally ask, my tone lifeless.
“Do you have a death wish?”
“Maybe.”
He has the gall to look concerned, even worried. Then he leans forward, his voice softening. “I didn’t mean for Meela to die,” he says softly, so I barely hear him over the heavy rain slapping against the boat and the sea.
“Don’t say her name,” I snap, panic rising in me. Why would he bring her up now, when I’m stuck on a boat with him with no way off. I know he watches me swimming most days. I ignore his lingering presence every time. I’ve been successful at avoiding his attempts at conversation in the castle, and he doesn’t push. But now…
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I shake my head.
“I’m not paddling until you talk to me.”
I meet his gaze again, full of disdain and disgust. He puts the paddles up and folds his arms.
“Take me to the mainland.”
“You know I can’t do that,” he says. He has to raise his voice to break through the heavy rainfall.
“Why not?”
“I’m a general of The Ellyar Army now. There are rules to follow.”
