Her mouth parts and her brows pinch in concern. “You can’t. That’s too far.”
“It’s not. I just need to train my muscles. A little bit every day. I used to love swimming when I was younger.”
“But… how? What if you push too far and run out of energy in the middle of the cold sea?”
“Then I die.”
Her mouth drops. She’s appalled by this entire idea.
“Look, I’m doing this either way. But I didn’t want to leave you behind, so I wanted to offer. We can practice together every day.”
“I… I can’t. I can’t do that.” She shakes her head.
“Okay. Then when I get off, I’ll send a boat for you.”
Her brows pinch together even more. “Is this because of your visitor last night?”
My expression goes cold. “No.”
“Okay. Just be careful.”
“I will.”
We head inside, I change, and then we have lunch together. We don’t talk much.
And when we’re rudely interrupted by an unwanted guest who wants to talk to me again, I stand from the table, avoid his eyes, and storm out.
When I return to my room, the bottle is still on the bedside table.
I have a drink, then another, and another. I stay in my room all night, drunk, feeling like I want to cry. But no tears form.
Chapter 45
Two months later
The cold water surrounds me. There’s rain splashing down from above and I’m beginning to lose track of which way is up and which is down. I guess my head is still above the cold, dark sea since I’m somehow getting air in my lungs, but it feels like I’m caught in a vortex of tumultuous water.
I’ve pushed too far.
But I made it farther than I ever have, and I was too stubborn to turn around. It’s possible I waited too long, but it’s too late to change that now. All I can do is keep going until I can’t any longer.
The day the mainland comes into my sight, I will keep going. All the way. But today, on my fiftieth swim, there’s still no mainland in sight. I kept thinking if I went just a little farther, I’d see it at any moment. I did not.
I had to turn around.
And now my body is cramping, the water is becoming violent, and I’m losing hope that I’ll ever make it back. I swallow a gulp of salty water. My neck is becoming too tired to hold my head above the water.
I stop, coughing while treading water, then turn on my back to float.
I gaze up at the swirling, deep gray haze that is the veil, and feel a small twinge of regret that I never got to see the stars. I can barely see it through the angry weather, but I know it’s up there.
It’s poetic that the water will be the one to take me, I think. If some simple, magical cuffs on my wrists can completely halt my power, then I never really had true power over it.
I turn and swim slowly, fully aware that I won’t make it back. The island is still so far away. I can barely see an arm’s length in front of me with the heavy rainfall, but I know I’m nowhere close.
My arms stop moving and a cramp shoots pain through my stomach. I suck in a sharp breath, and then darkness takes me.
The last thing I see is Daegan’s dark blue eyes, and they’re disappointed in me.
