‘Lovely.’ She closed the door and followed him.
He turned, and his smile became winsome. ‘I’ve brought my meal, too, in case you don’t want to eat alone. But I can take mine away again. I just hope you like meatballs with mashed potato and lingonberry sauce. I made it.’ He unzipped the bag to let her peek in. Each plate had another inverted over it to protect the meal. Heated pads sat above and below. It smelt delicious, and she realised she’d had no food since breakfasting on a cereal bar.
Touched by this unexpected kindness, she summoned a smile. ‘It’ll be nice to have company. I’ll set the table.’
It was a novelty to take plates from a bag and,hey presto!dinner was served, the heated pads becoming heated placemats. The meatballs sat in a brown sauce next to glossy green broccoli and clouds of white mashedpotato. The lingonberry sauce, ruby red, occupied a small bowl of its own.
Ezz’s appetite stirred at the meaty, roasty aroma of goodness, and she helped herself to the lingonberry sauce, which wasn’t quite cranberry, but wasn’t miles away from it. Her first bite of meatball, sauce and mash widened her eyes. ‘Mm. This is special. And you cooked it? Did you bring the sauces with you from Sweden?’
Mats made a faux-hurt face. ‘I did not. The meat sauce is made like a roux and the lingonberry is created like a fruit jus, boiled with a little water and sugar until the berries burst. I had to buy frozen lingonberries online, but this meal is my party piece.’
She began to eat with real enjoyment. ‘Then I must invite you if I have a party. You can help with catering.’
It was said lightly, but he nodded as if she were perfectly serious. ‘I’d accept that invitation. I enjoy cooking. It’s relaxing and I like fresh, quality meals.’ He twirled half a meatball in the meat sauce, then added a dab of lingonberry. ‘In Skye, I have time to cook. Poor Josefin told me today that I’m doing her out of a job, because when she bakes with the children, I join in.’
Ezz didn’t think Josefin would mind at all, but just smiled. She wondered whether Mats felt anything in response to Josefin’s crush and found herself hoping hard that he didn’t. Did that mean she was developing a crush on him herself … ? ‘I’m glad you’re finding Skye so relaxing,’ she said, to divert her mind from that surprising path.
As Mats ate, he chatted easily about Christmas presents, conversation between them coming more naturally since he’d asked her to be herself and not worry how Tavish would have phrased everything. ‘Astrid wants a Legoprincess palace, and a hard hat and toolbelt to wear while building it. Alvin’s asked for an aeroplane, and I suspect he means a real one.’ His eyes smiled. ‘I’d like to buy a few things to remind them of Skye, too.’
‘Maybe you’d like a day in Portree?’ she suggested, noting this reference to the family’s visit having a time limit. Once she would have been delighted to see Mats go. But now … she realised she really was in no rush. Her feelings for him had been subtly altered by trusting him with hers and Thea’s secret. ‘You could buy traditional tweeds, kilts or hand-made soap. The town’s pretty. Some of the buildings around the harbour are even more colourful than Rothach village and it’s a lovely journey from here, though I’m always shocked how fast the locals drive on the winding roads. I guess they know every curve.’ She watched him devour the final meatball with a smack of his lips.
After they’d enjoyed the meal, it seemed only polite to offer coffee in the lounge. Sharing a sofa with him didn’t seem a concern after so much had happened, and she placed the two steaming mugs on the small table, then lit a match to the woodstove. She took her seat on the squashy, turquoise sofa and looked at him.
Disarmingly, he smiled, his fair hair gleaming in the overhead light. ‘I expect you’re wondering if making sure you ate is the only reason I’m here.’
Her own smile became fixed as her heart sank. ‘To have a quiet word about professional conduct?’ She picked up her coffee and blow across the surface to cool it.
His fair brows swooped together. ‘Whose?’ He sounded perplexed.
She raised a brow. Her brows were naturally arched, ideal for a ‘do you take me for a fool?’ expression. ‘I was unprofessional getting upset today and I—’
‘I’m here because I’m concerned,’ he butted in, with a hint of exasperation. More gently, he continued. ‘That’s what friends do. They assume that someone crying herself sick has a genuine issue, and they get your sister. And they keep everyone else away. If they bring you dinner, it’s meant to be a nice gesture, not an excuse to tell you off.’ He picked up his coffee and it slopped over his hand. He had to lick it off rather than let it drip. ‘I don’t know why I have to keep reminding you that I’m not your employer.’
Half her mind was on watching his tongue, but her cheeks still burned. ‘Thank you for being so thoughtful. I didn’t mean to be ungracious. It’s been emotional.’ A sip of her coffee, then she replaced the mug on the table with a sigh.
A gleam of a smile softened his eyes. ‘Are you OK, Ezzie? I’m not sure what happened except you had visitors and they upset you. Is it anything Mum should know about? You know Dad threw out the guy who bothered Thea. My parents would take a dim view if something like that happened to you, too.’
A tiny warm feeling sparked in her heart. Mats might be impetuous, but that didn’t stop him being empathetic. ‘It wasn’t anything like that. I’ve never known who my birth parents are but they turned up out of the blue, today. It went badly.’ She paused, realising that she was once again sharing something deeply personal with this man. When he just waited, she went on. ‘I never realised before what people meant when they said they were in an emotional washing machine, but I certainly felt tossed around and in danger of drowning. I got close to crossing to the pub to drown my sorrows.’
As soon as the words were out, she felt embarrassedand ashamed. ‘I didn’t do that,’ she added hastily, and perhaps unnecessarily, as here she was, sober.
‘Well done.’ He sounded as if he might even understand how hard it could be to leave alcohol to those who could handle it. His gaze rested on her, a crease between his eyes. ‘Your birth parents arriving like that … it must have been a massive shock.’
‘They’ve always known my adoptive name, apparently, and googled me. It came up on the Rothach Hall website.’ A band of tension formed around her head, and she massaged her temples. ‘I guess scenes like today’s are part of the reason not every adoptee has the urge to find their birth family. I might have been happier to see them if I had even half a memory of being someone else, somewhere else. But I was adopted as a tiny baby and had a wonderful life with Maxie and Vince. We sisters all adopted each other, too.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I yearned for Mum and Dad today. Dad would have hugged me and insisted everything would be OK. Mum would have been wise, making me see all sides of the story. Whereas Kay – I can’t even feel gratitude that she didn’t abort me, because it’s obvious she just left it too late. Kay’s mother certainly would have wanted that, otherwise. She sounds a horrible bitch.’
Exhausted, she let her head tip back on the sofa. ‘My birth parents have been together all this time, having other children who they didn’t give away. Julia and Iona.’ Just saying their names felt like a betrayal to Thea and Valentina. ‘Two more sisters … except they’re not. They’re strangers. And I’m the eldest, not the middle child, which I’ve been since Thea joined our family. It all feels …wrong. I don’t want it. I don’t want them. I don’t want it to have happened.’
He rose to tend the woodstove, opening the squeakingdoor and adding sticks and a small log as Ezzie hadn’t made the effort to build the flames after lighting the kindling.
‘My name was Lindy Loveless,’ she said, watching him tend the flames. ‘Ironic surname, in the circumstances. I have no connection to it. I’m Ezzie Wynter.’ She watched the flames leap and catch.
He returned to sit beside her, his eyes on her, as if waiting for her to go on. She murmured, ‘I get my hair and eyes from my birth father. I don’t look like my birth mother, so if I have anything of her, it’s not immediately visible. But I have my values from Maxie and Vince. They would never have tidied a baby away as a dirty secret. Their love seemed to grow with every child they adopted, and they were kind and wonderful. My birth parents were just … careless. Young. They let themselves be shoved around.’ Unwillingly, she remembered the scribbled words on Rick’s business card.We were kids.‘I know I’m being unfair,’ she admitted. ‘My maternal grandmother was obviously bossy and hard, and it sounds as if my grandfather just went along with her. I understand it must have been difficult for Kay. But they’ve been together all these years, my first family. Kay and Rick, Julia and Iona.’ Her throat burned and she had to pause to swallow. ‘Without me.’
Then a warm arm came around her; a friendly, comforting arm that allowed a small distance to remain between their bodies. ‘I’m sorry.’ His voice was deep and sweet, as soothing as warm water and honey on a sore throat.
She didn’t push him off. It felt too friendly and comforting for her to pause to examine what else it might mean. ‘How do you think you’d feel, if strangers came along saying they were your parents and they loved you?’
He paused. ‘They said they loved you? That’s a big thing.’
