The shower was big enough for at least six or seven people, with a rain showerhead above and a bench against the wall underneath it. She walked us over to the bench, never taking her hand off my arm, and sat me down.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I was partly okay. I was okay in the sense that I wasn’t hurt. I was okay in the sense that a naked Blair stood only a few feet away from me.
But I wasn’t okay in the sense that we weren’t together and I couldn’t take advantage of this moment. That there was an emptiness in her eyes I had put there.
“Fine.” I had to force the word out past all the thoughts running through my mind.
Before I’d sat down, she had washed off my back, and I could feel her trembling, but I stayed silent. The whole time neither of us spoke, the water raining down on us being the only sound in the room.
I stiffened when she walked back over with a freshly soaped loofa and started washing my body, starting with my neck and shoulders.
If she washed only my back, I could have survived without a problem, but the second I came face-to-face with her, staring into those sad hazel eyes, it became more of a challenge.
When she started to make her way to my breasts, she paused and looked at me, waiting for permission. “You never need permission to touch me, Blair,” I said with a nod.
She didn’t respond as she continued to clean me, and my muscles spasmed when she got to my stomach and worked her way down to my thighs and legs. I was thankful the water and soap were able to cover up just how she was affecting me.
The moment was anything but sexual, but she always had a way of getting my body to react to her, no matter what.
When she came back up to my arms and shoulders, I couldn’t resist. The tension was mixing with the steam from the shower, and it permeated the air. She was being so gentle, looking so beautiful, and I needed to touch her, even if it wasn’t sexual and even if it would be for the last time.
I reached up to push a stray hair behind her ear before I cautiously wrapped my arms around her waist, slowly bringing her closer to me.
She hesitated before allowing the contact and placed her hands on my shoulders. “Drea.”
I hugged her, breathing her in, committing every part of her to memory. I wanted to stay like this forever, but I knew we couldn’t.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I whispered. She didn’t respond, but as soon as I began to lightly dust her hips with soft kisses, she tensed and slowly pulled away. I grabbed her wrist, making sure there wasn’t too much space between us, as I slowly stood up.
I pulled her closer and brushed my thumb across her lip. “Blair, I?—”
“I think we’re done.” She shook her head and rinsed me off before she turned off the water, handing me a towel. I didn’t think she was only talking about the shower.
“Blair, please?—”
“Just dry off. I’ll be right outside.” She turned and left me alone in the steamy bathroom.
I walked out and saw Blair on her phone, sitting on the edge of the bed. She had already gotten dressed, and her bag was at her feet, ready to leave with her.
She looked up when she heard my throat clear. “I’m going to go downstairs and call a car.”
I frowned. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question. We both knew what she was doing.
She stood up and sighed. “I think it’s best if someone else takes over. Now that I know you are okay, there is no reason for me to stay.” Her words sounded confident, but her wandering eyes that refused to land on me told me a different story.
“I don’t think that’s true.” She turned to leave without another word, but she didn’t get more than two steps before I grabbed her wrist again. “Wait.”
She stopped but didn’t turn around. “Drea, please don’t.” I could already hear the crack in her voice, but I had to push the words out.
“Please just let me say this, Blair. I’m so sorry.”
She turned around, and I let go of her wrist. “You think an apology is enough to make up for everything you said? You made it sound like I was your whore to use around whenever you liked, like my feelings meant nothing.”
“I don’t think that at all, Blair. Your feelings mean everything to me. I was upset and drunk and it just came out. I know it’s not an excuse and I can’t take it back, but you have to know that’s not how I feel about you at all. I…” I stopped myself.
“You what, Drea?”
