So that heart of yours? The one you think is damaged and bruised and unworthy of existing? That heart is perfect, and it cannot wait to show you how much love is waiting for you in this world. And whenever you need that reminder, place your hands over your chest, and feel your mother’s love in every single beat.
You’re going to be OK, Karla.
You’re going to be more than OK.
But I need to ask you to do one thing for me: Watch after your father. The truth is, he’s going to need you more than you need him. Because he doesn’t have her heartbeats in his chest. No, his reminder of Nicole lives in your eyes. In your smile. In your love. You are saving your father. Without you, I’m certain he would drown.
So even if you never forgive me... even if you continue to hate me... even if I never cross your mind again... I want you to know that I am here for you. Day or night. Night or day. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there, Karla, because you mean that much to me. Not just as Greyson’s daughter, but as another human being who just needs to know they aren’t alone.
I’m one phone call away, and I will always answer.
I’m still here.
Eleanor
P.S. I know you’re hurting, but your scars are so beautiful.
She loved Dad first. Then she loved Lorelai and me, too.
After reading Ellie’s words, I knew that there wasn’t a bad bone in that woman’s body. She was gentle, and playful, and beautiful, and kind, and she just so happened to fall in love with my father. I couldn’t even blame him for loving her back. Because I loved her, too. And as silly as it sounded, maybe it was Mom who sent Ellie to us all.
Maybe she knew our hearts needed more healing, and maybe she knew Ellie was the one who could help us fix a few of our broken pieces. Maybe she knew we needed Ellie and her light. Maybe Mom knew we needed just a little bit more of that kind of love. I read her letter over and over again, letting the words settle into my heart.
More of that, Ellie.
***
After I read Ellie’s letter, I tried to convince Dad that he needed to give her another chance. He wouldn’t take the bait, though. He was too worried about my own mental health, so he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness. I wondered how often parents did that—gave up their own joy to make their children happier.
When I realized that Dad wasn’t going to fix things with Ellie, I knew I had to take things into my own hands. I knew if I could get her to show up at our house, I’d have a better shot at getting her and my father in the same room.
When Dad opened the front door after the doorbell rang repeatedly, he seemed perplexed when he saw her standing on the front porch.
He cleared his throat. “Ellie, what are you—”
“Is she OK?” she asked, her voice shaky.
He narrowed his eyes as I watched from around the corner. “Is who OK?”
“Karla. She sent me a text message saying she was in trouble and needed my help. I came over as soon as I could.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” I said, walking up behind Dad.
“Then why did you text Eleanor?” he asked.
“Because I do need her help. We all do.”
Ellie looked completely confused as Dad rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. “Sorry, Ellie. It seems my teenage daughter is acting up.”
“Only because you were being stubborn, Dad. Just face it... you like Ellie. And Ellie, you can’t even deny that you like him, too, because you can’t hide your emotions for anything. So you two should just... be together.”
“Karla...” Dad’s voice dropped, and he frowned. “You know why we can’t—”
“Yeah, Dad, I get it. You’re fucked up, I’m fucked up, Ellie’s fucked up—we’re all fucked up! But we might as well be fucked up together.”
“Language,” Ellie and Dad said in unison.
They smiled at each other, and just by witnessing that I got the same thing in my gut that I would get from Ash: butterflies.
