I didn’t want to go... well, part of me did. If I didn’t have Ash as a friend anymore, that meant I had no one. I was so tired of being alone. I was so tired of not feeling like I was part of anything. Loneliness was the worst feeling in the whole world, and I’d felt it for such a long time, outside of when I was with Ash—and he wasn’t even talking to me anymore.
But then again, Missy’s eyes looked kind and genuine behind all the makeup. Almost hopeful that I’d show up. I missed seeing hope in her eyes when it came to reconnecting with me.
“Uh, yeah. If I’m able to get a ride...” I murmured.
“We’ll pick you up early!” Colton said, patting me on the shoulder. “We’ll be there at nine.”
Nine at night?
That was already past my bedtime.
I’d have to sneak out.
Dad would never let me go. Ellie wouldn’t want me to go either.
Missy smiled widely. “Gosh, it’s going to be sofun, Karla. Just you wait and see! See you later!”
Colton snickered under his breath as if something was funny, but he didn’t say a word. They turned and walked away, leaving me there with a busy brain. I wished I could slow down the thoughts that spun so quickly in my head. I wished I could understand my own mind and take a breath before every thought overtook me. But I couldn’t.
The party would be fine.
Missy smiled at me the way we used to smile at each other.
Maybe everything would be OK.
Even if Ash never talked to me again, I wouldn’t be completely alone.
Still, I missed him.
21Karla
When Missy texted me that she was at my house, I was still nervous about going with her. I’d sneaked out of school before, but never my house, and definitely not to go to a party. I didn’t know what people wore to the kind of party that Colton was having, so I went with my regular black outfit. Black T-shirt, black jeans.
I felt a little tired that evening. It was already after ten when they pulled up to the house to pick me up. Annoyance sprung through me. I’d thought I would already be home by now. A quick visit or something. Instead, the night was beginning a lot later than I thought.
My body was sore from moving around all day. The last thing I should’ve been doing was going to some party, but I needed this. I needed it to remind me that I wasn’t some broken girl; I just had a bad year. The worst year. But maybe things were turning around. Maybe my regular life was coming back to me.
Maybe I wouldn’t be a freak forever.
As I climbed into the back of Colton’s car, a sharp pain shot up my left leg. Once we pulled away from the curbside, Colton started blasting some music at a stupidly loud level. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, too, with the windows still rolled up.
I hated the smell of cigarettes. Missy did, too. At least, she used to. I thought she’d hated cigarettes as a whole since her grandpa passed away from smoking. It was surprising when Colton passed the cigarette to Missy and she took a puff.
“You smoke, Kayla?” Colton asked, taking the cigarette back from Missy and holding it in my direction.
“Karla,” I corrected. “And no.I don’t.”
“More for me,” he said, taking a drag of the cigarette.
I coughed a little and cleared my throat. I slid my hands into my lap and fiddled with them, the same way Ash was always fiddling with his. I wondered what he was doing that night. I wondered what he would’ve thought about me being in a car with Missy and Colton, too. I also wondered if he was wondering about me.
“Karla’s always been a goody-two-shoes girl,” Missy commented.
“That’s not true,” I claimed. If anything, Missy used to be the good girl. There was a point when she wouldn’t even step on a crack because she was convinced that she’d end up breaking her mother’s back. I was the more adventurous friend. Now she was acting like I was always this boring girl who never did anything wrong.
“It is true. I’m even surprised you’re coming to the party,” she replied.
“The party you made me leave to come pick her up, might I add. That’s how much we wanted you there, Kayla,” Colton joined in as he smirked my way through his rearview mirror.
