He stared at me in shock. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
I steeled my spine. “I’m also the queen of the Dominion of the Azure Dragon.”
Blake blinked, confusion turning to hurt, then fear, in his icy gaze. “What are you talking about? The Azure prince—”
“Blake, I am his wife…. I’m married.”
Blake froze, his hand dropping to his side as the words sank in. “Married?” His voice was low, stunned. “How?”
I swallowed hard, tears stinging my eyes as I met his gaze. “You were there. At the Wedding of Flame and Sky. Only we had done the real ceremony in private earlier.”
Blake’s face paled, the muscles in his jaw tightening as he processed what I had just told him. “To Prince Draven? No. No, that’s not possible. You…you—no.” He leaned forward, gripping my biceps. “You can’t be Rubiana Phae, of the House of Phae. I saw the Red princess die with my own eyes.”
I was already shaking my head.
“She wasn’t you.” He nearly shouted the pain-filled words as he stood, pacing beside the bed.
“That was my body double,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “She was heavily veiled, in keeping with our royal tradition.”
I raised a hand to my chest at the pain there as Blake sank down, like his knees had suddenly gone weak. He slipped backward, sitting on the end of my bed. His hand shoved through his bronze hair, moving the strands into a mess atop his head.
“That’s what it was saying,” he mumbled, scraping his palms down his face. “The Starved—it wasn’t moaning that it had done wrong. It had eaten the wrong soul.”
The hairs on the back of my neck rose. “Edith is the Red Queen, Blake. She’s my mother, and she’s one of the most powerful nulls ever born. That’s why I had no power, no memories—she was doing it all. Keeping it from me.”
“To protect you.”
I nodded. “It doesn’t make it right.”
A deep sigh pressed from his lips. “No, but it’s understandable. I would have done the same.”
There was a moment then, a second when I considered my lies. Could I pretend I didn’t feel the tug of someone else?
“There’s more,” I said, closing my eyes and hugging myselfaround the middle. “There’s a reason we couldn’t Soul Pair. Because I am already Paired to Draven.”
“Soul Paired?” His voice was strained.
I shook my head. “We were waiting until our wedding night. We never got there.”
Grief tore through his expression as he watched me. He looked exhausted, like he’d lived a thousand lives before this morning and lost me in all of them.
“And Draven is…”
“He’s still alive. I can feel it, here, now that Edith’s magic is gone.” My hand rose to my heart, pressing there, and Blake looked as if I’d stabbed him with his own blade.
“So, that’s it then?” Blake’s voice was soft, broken. “Just like that?”
I shook my head. “I love you, Blake,” I said, trying to hold back the sob building in my chest. “You know that.”
“Then what does this all mean, Rubi?” he said. A bitter laugh escaped as he shook his head. “Gods, I feel like I’m fucking drowning.”
Tears spilled from my eyes.
“My duty is to my dominion, to my people. And…”Gods, this hurt.Saying this, admitting it, might have been harder than fighting that demon. “And I can feel it now—I love you, but I did love Draven, as Rubiana, as who I was before. Everything is all messed up in my head. I’m trying to—”
The sob burst free and I wiped at my eyes, desperate to steel myself against the pain.
“I thought I wanted to win the boon to recover my memories. I spent so much time chasing my past, convinced I couldn’t really live until I knew where I came from. But I never considered that finding it might cost me my happiness in the present.” My chest ached as I met his gaze. “And I never thought it would cost me you.”
