I fold the letter, place it back into its envelope, and put the stack back into the box.There are so many emotions flowing through me.Anger, pain, sadness, and love.So much love for the man who stole my heart all those years ago.
He lowers his head, kisses my temple, and hugs me a little tighter.“Ells?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s one more letter.”
I sit up and turn to look at him.“What?I read them all,” I point to the box.”
He nods.“Yeah, I know, but I wrote another letter.”
My heart sinks.I want all of his words.“Do you remember what it was about?”
He swallows hard, and dread fills my belly.“I have it,” he says softly.
“What do you mean, you have it?”
“I never mailed it.I knew you weren’t going to answer, and I was mad about that, so I just wrote it and kept it.”
“Is it at the inn?In your room?”I ask, as hope wells inside of me.I don’t know why, but I need it.I need the words he wrote for me.
“No.”
“Oh.”My face falls.
“It’s in my wallet.”
“What?”I furrow my brow.
Copeland lifts his hand and smooths over my forehead with his thumb.“After we found the letters, I went back to my place and dug the letter out of my things.I took it out of the envelope and put it in my wallet.I wanted to have it in case a night like tonight happened.I wanted you to have all of them when you were ready.”
“It’s here?Now?In your wallet?”I ask, my voice cracking.
“Yeah, baby.I have it here.”He reaches over to the nightstand, grabs his wallet, pulls a folded piece of paper out of it, and hands it to me.“Here.”
I swallow hard.“Thank you.”I glance down at the letter in my hands, and there’s a slight shake from nerves.This letter he didn’t want to send.Will I get his anger?Hateful words?I don’t know what to expect, but I know I need to read whatever is on this piece of paper.I need to read his words, and then, no matter what emotions are swimming inside of me, I need to let the past stay where it belongs, in the past.We’re moving toward our future, and the present, and what’s to come, that’s what I need to focus on.
Slowly, I unfold the letter, smooth out the creased lines, and begin to read.
My Dearest Ellison,
I told myself I wasn’t writing anymore.Not hearing back from you cuts too deep.The pain is too much to bear, but this is different.I find myself sitting here, trying to find the words, and I can’t.I just can’t because I know that nothing I say can make this better.
I was there today, Ells.I heard about your parents and was luckily not deployed.I requested emergency leave, and I don’t know how, but the stars aligned, and it was granted.I was given twenty-four hours, and I took it.I boarded the first flight back to Magnolia Ridge.I didn’t get there until later because of my flight delay, so I pushed my rental as fast as it would go, and I made it to the cemetery on time.
I stood in the back, by the road, behind a large tree.I stayed hidden, but I saw you.I saw my friends and Kinzie supporting you and your sisters.You didn’t need me.
I wanted you to.Damn, Ells, I wanted you to need me.I needed you.I loved your parents.Without them, I wouldn’t have you, and a world without you, Ellison, is one I don’t want to live in.
I need you to know how sorry I am for your loss.My heart aches for you and for your sisters, and I want you to know that if there is ever a time when you need me, I don’t care how much time has passed, you call me.Send a letter—fuck, Ellison, fly to me.I’ll always be a place for you to land.
I will always be here for you.
I’m yours, Ells.
Do me a favor?Close your eyes and count to twenty.While you’re counting, imagine my arms wrapped around you.I’m holding you tightly to my chest, and I know that everything is going to be okay.
Twenty seconds wasn’t long enough, but I know I have to let you go, because still today, all of my letters have gone unanswered.
