Copeland
Tears race down my cheeks as I fold the letter with shaking hands and place it back into the envelope and into the box.Copeland tightens his arms around me, and his face is buried in my neck.
“I read it over your shoulder,” he says, his voice cracking.“I was so stupid, Ells.Fuck me, I never should have left you.I’m sorry, baby.So damn sorry.”His voice is raspy with emotion.
“I love you,” I tell him, placing my hands over his.“I love you, and we’re here now.We’re together, where we were always meant to be.”I can feel him nod, but no more words are spoken.When my tears have slowed, I pick up another letter and start to read.I read through three more before pausing to turn to look at Copeland over my shoulder.“You never forgot about me.”
“Never, Ellison.Not for a single second of the entire seventeen years I was gone.I could never forget you, Ells.Not ever.”
Nodding, I reach for another letter.
Ellison
It’s been two weeks, and I haven’t heard from you.You should have received my letters by now.I’m hoping yours are just slower to get to me, because the alternative breaks my soul into tiny pieces.
Please don’t give up on me, on us, Ellison.I’m so damn sorry, but I’m here now, and I’m doing this for us.For you.My mom struggled, and babe, I don’t want that for you.If something ever happens to me, I want to know that I did everything I could to provide for my family.
That’s you, Ellison.
You are my family.
I miss you with a desperation I’ve never felt before.
Please don’t hate me.
Just write me back, please.Please tell me I didn’t push away the best thing that ever happened to me.I did this for us, Ellison.
I love you.
I fucking miss you.
Love,
Copeland
I’m sobbing, but I can’t stop.I need to read all of them.I need his words.They’re breaking me, but they’re also healing me.He loved me.Every day, he loved me.
“Ells, you don’t have to do this,” Copeland says.“You’re upset.That’s not good for you or the baby.”
“I’m okay,” I assure him.
“You’re not okay.”
“I need this, Copeland.Just don’t let go.”I don’t turn to look at him this time, or the flood of tears will really be unleashed.I have to keep going.I choose another, and another.I’ve read so many now, I’ve lost track of where I am, but in every word he wrote, he tells me he loves me.
When I reach for another letter in the stack, my hands are trembling.With each letter my heart breaks a little more, but I need it.I need to read his thoughts, know what was in his heart.
Ellison
I came to see you.Boot camp was over, and I couldn’t get home to Magnolia Ridge fast enough.I needed to hold you and tell you how sorry I was for leaving.I needed to wrap my arms around you and hold you.
I saw you.You were with Kinzie, Macklin, Dixon, and Bowen.You were all laughing and having a great time.Your blue eyes were sparkling with happiness.
You’re not missing me, as I miss you.
Your chest’s not aching every second of every day like mine is.
I watched you all for far longer than I should have, but I never went to you.You’ve moved on, or so it seems, and I can admit I wasn’t man enough to face that.To face you.I’ve seen it, but I’ve never heard the words, and I doubt that I will, unless you start replying to these letters.
