“Before I agree, I need you to understand something, Flo–”
“Laurence. My name is Laurence.”
“Laurence, I need you to understand something.”
“What?”
“No feelings– No filter– No fucks to give. That’s where I am in my journey right now, and not even your charm can persuade me otherwise. You’re in control of your feelings. Keep them in line, and I promise I will do the same.”
“My feelings are already involved, Hyph. Don’t you get that shit?”
His thick brows crinkled on his forehead. He was dazzling, even when baffled and disappointed.
“Mine aren’t, so please tread lightly.”
I turned toward his car, leaving him to think about what I’d just said to him. Though difficult, it wasmytruth. I wouldn’t be responsible for what happened to his feelings. I’d warned him of the dangers of fucking with fire. He was eager to be burned. I couldn’t save him. It was up to him to save himself.
“Don’t piss me off, baby girl.”
A tap on the wrist reminded me that doors weren’t an option around Flocco. I allowed him to open mine and happily settled into the passenger seat. The walk home would’ve been a long one, and my feet would’ve been throbbing by the time I made it to my door.
But the time alone would’ve been worth it. The moment with nature. The freeing of my thoughts. The rebooting of my nervous system. The steadiness of my heart. The outpouring of my emotions. I needed that, but I wouldn’t be getting it tonight.
Tonight I was melting against the peanut butter leather of Flocco’s seats. They were trimmed in red stitches and in pristine condition. I imagined my foot against the woodgrain dash as he assaulted my clit with his tongue.
Get ahold of yourself, Hyphen.
I braced my ears for impact, waiting to hear a rapper’s voice emerge from the speakers with enough force to wake a deaf senior citizen. My patience was in vain. Instead, my ears were met with rhythm and blues. Soft, slow music that made it possible to rest my head on the seat behind me.
I closed my eyes, allowing Flocco’s presence to engulf me. For the first time in months, I felt safe again. Fresh air pushed from my lungs.
It’s okay. Everything is okay. My voice was low in my head, but I didn’t miss it. The music wasn’t loud enough for me to make that mistake. Neither was the bass pumping uncontrollably.
Ten minutes elapsedbefore the wheels stopped rolling on the Chevelle. Channing city lights were bright and joyful. In the midst of uncertainty, they brought me a sense of clarity. Alongside the call box of Suge’s, Flocco rolled his window down.
“Girl that nigga ain’t gone do nothing,” the drive-thru worker boasted. “Welcome to Suge’s. Go ahead.”
The agitation was heavy in her tone. Though it wasn’t Flocco’s fault that she felt whatever she was feeling, one would’ve assumed he was the issue.
“Uh, yeah. Let me get two smoked sausages with coleslaw. Put honey bbq sauce on both of those.”
“Um hm. Is that it?”
“Nah.”
“What else, then?”
“Two orders of seasoned fries. Extra ketchup packets.”
“That’s it?”
She was eager for Flocco to finish his order.
“Nah.”
“What else?”
I lifted up in my seat and flattened my palm in Flocco’s chest. I pushed his body backward and leaned forward.
