“Hey.” Sarah wanted to lean across and kiss her but held back. There was a conversation they needed to have first, and she owed Amy that before anything else.
“You look incredible,” Amy said, her eyes looking Sarah up and down.
“So do you. The tan really suits you.”
“Everyone keeps saying that. I’m going to be devastated when it fades.” Amy ordered a glass of wine and settled back in her chair, looking at Sarah with an expression that was open but cautious. “So. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
“We do.” Sarah took a breath. “Where do you want me to start?”
“The other mentees. Tell me everything.”
***
Sarah didn’t tell Amy the sanitised version, the one she’d have given a month ago that spun the truth and conveniently ignored anything that would make her look bad or could jeopardise what she had with Amy. She was honest, and gave her the ugly truth of four conversations that had fundamentally changed how she saw herself.
She told Amy about Rebecca first, the easy one, how she’d laughed and said she wanted to keep sleeping with Sarahregardless. “She’s the one where it genuinely was mutual,” Sarah said. “She told me straight out that she enjoys it for its own sake and always has. The mentoring is separate now, completely. We’re colleagues who also happen to sleep together.”
Amy nodded. “I believe that. I could see it on Monday, actually. She seemed relaxed with you, but she always did.”
“She was. Is.” Sarah paused. “The others weren’t like that.”
She told Amy about Klara next, how she’d been angry in a cold, restrained way that was actually harder to deal with than shouting. And then about Alice, her more volatile, furious reaction that caught Sarah off guard after Klara. Both had been clear that the physical side, while enjoyable at times, had been something they endured, the price they paid for what Sarah had done for their careers.
“I’d assumed,” Sarah said, hearing the shame in her own voice, “that they were into it.” She shrugged. “I wanted to believe the attraction was mutual. I’d built this whole framework in my head where everyone was consenting and everyone was having a good time and the mentoring was a bonus. A win-win for everyone.” She looked at Amy. “You were right. The power imbalance meant that I never had to question it, because none of them felt they could tell me the truth.”
Amy reached across and touched Sarah’s hand. “I know that was hard. I can hear that it was.”
“It gets worse.” Sarah took a sip of her wine. “Joanna. Last week.”
She told Amy about Joanna’s revelation that she was straight, had always been straight, and about the two relationships she’d lost. About “you never asked” and the exhaustion in Joanna’s voice.
“She told me she’d let me do what I wanted because she thought it was what was expected,” Sarah said. “She endured that, Amy. For too long. Because I made her think it was part of the deal.”
Amy was quiet for a long moment, and Sarah could see her processing it, sympathy mixed with something more complicated. “How do you feel about that now? Honestly.”
Sarah thought about her answer. “Ashamed. Genuinely ashamed. Not the kind where you say you’re sorry because you know you should be. Actually ashamed, in a way that I’m going to carry for a long time.” Sarah paused. “But also grateful to you, for making me see it. Because I’d have carried on otherwise. I’d have kept building the system and convincing myself it was fine and everyone was winning.”
Amy squeezed her hand. “I appreciate you telling me all of this. You didn’t have to be this honest.”
“I owed you this. After that Monday, when you showed me what it looked like… I owed you the full picture.”
Amy held her gaze for a few moments, then nodded slowly, as if she’d come to a decision. “Ok. Then I’m drawing a line under it. You did what you said you would, and you did it properly. I believe you, and we don’t need to talk about it again.” She paused. “The mentoring continues on professional terms?”
“Completely. All four of them if they want it. No conditions, no expectations.”
“Good.” Amy took a sip of her wine. She smiled. “That’s enough about them then.”
The relief that flooded through Sarah was a physical thing… a tension she’d been carrying for weeks releasing. Amy was satisfied. Amy believed her. The line was drawn.
“There’s something else we need to talk about too,” Sarah said. “The other thing you asked me to consider.”
Amy’s expression shifted to something a little more cautious. “Ok,” she said simply, watching Sarah over the rim of her glass as she took another drink.
“You asked me, before you went to LA, to think about what my life could look like. What a future could look like, not just with you but generally, if I was honest about who I am.”
“I remember.”
“I’ve thought about it. A lot.” Sarah turned her wine glass by the stem. “I took the twins and Hugo to Dubai for a long weekend while you were away. Last minute thing, his idea. And there was a moment…” She paused, searching for the right words. “I realised two things. That my children are more important than anything, and that Hugo and I have been performing a marriage for their benefit for longer than I would like to admit.”
