“And if I said I wanted to keep sleeping with you, nothing would change with the mentoring? You wouldn’t treat me differently? I wouldn’t get better opportunities at work?”
“Not at all. The mentoring is based on your talent, Joanna. It always has been.”
Joanna scoffed, and Sarah’s heart sank. “Bullshit.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Bullshit. Both of us always knew the deal. You mentor me because you know I’m good and you can help me with a little nudge here or there, but you’d never have mentored me if I didn’t let you fuck me.”
Sarah took a conciliatory tone. “Yes. And that was wrong.”
Another long silence. Sarah could see Joanna processing, her expression shifting, and then settling on something that surprised Sarah… not relief, not anger, but more like a deep weariness.
“I don’t want to keep sleeping with you. I never wanted to sleep with you.” Joanna shook her head. “Sarah, I’m straight, I’vealways been straight. It was…” She shrugged. “I guess kind of cool in a ‘tick off a life experience’ sort of way at first, but…” Joanna shrugged. “It was transactional. It was something I did because the career benefits were worth it, and because you made it feel like it was just part of the package. But I never wanted it for its own sake.”
Sarah forced herself to sit and listen calmly, even as the words hit like a slap to the face. She’d assumed… God, she’d assumed so much. She’d told herself that her mentees enjoyed the arrangement, that the attraction was mutual, that the sex was a thrilling bonus for them rather than a cost. And here was Joanna, calmly telling her that she’d been enduring it, just like Klara and Alice before.
“I didn’t… I’m sorry, I didn’t know that,” Sarah said.
“I know you didn’t. You never asked.” Joanna’s voice wasn’t angry, just tired. “And honestly, I wouldn’t have told you if you had. Because what would have happened? You’d have ended the mentoring, and I needed the mentoring. So I kept showing up when you told me, let you tie me up and I kept doing what was expected. I told myself it was a fair trade.”
Amy’s voice echoed in Sarah’s head.Would any of those women have slept with you without the leverage of your mentoring?
“There’s something else,” Joanna said, and Sarah could see that she wasn’t holding back now, that it was all flooding out. “You’ve cost me two relationships over this. Two good men, Sarah. I couldn’t juggle either of them with this and I had to choose between seeing you for my career or seeing them.” She shook her head. “What a waste.”
“I’m so sorry, Joanna. I genuinely didn’t…”
“I know. And I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I’m telling you because you need to know. You’re saying this to all your mentees?”
“Yes.”
Joanna took another long drink of her wine. “Good. Whatever made you see this… good.” Joanna seemed to gather herself, straightening in her chair. “The mentoring, I’d like to continue. You’ve been genuinely brilliant for my career and I don’t want to throw that away. But the rest of it… I’d like to just be colleagues who respect each other. Can we do that?”
“Absolutely. Yes.”
“Ok then.” Joanna finished her wine in one long drink and reached for her bag. “I need to go. Early start and… one of those two guys, I’m going to see if he wants to meet for a drink.” She stood, then paused, looking down at Sarah. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you’ve simply slipped into the trap of convincing yourself that what worked for you worked for everyone. It didn’t, but the fact that you’re fixing it now counts for something.”
She looked down, and seemed on the verge of saying something more. Then she turned and was gone.
Sarah sat there alone, half a bottle of wine left, with just her thoughts for company.
Luisa
Mid-Atlantic
The faint hum of the engines provided the soundtrack for Luisa as she leaned back in the wide leather seat, her bare feet nestling into the soft wool of the blanket the flight attendant had given her.
It wasn't her first time flying business class but it was her first time doing it long haul and Luisa reckoned that she could get used to this. She turned her head slightly and watched Amy next to her, bathed in the soft overhead light, reading something on her tablet, a faint smile playing on her lips.
Luisa’s stomach fluttered as there was a small jolt, a one off, nothing major, just a little turbulence. But, Luisa thought, it had been there before, every time she thought about Amy.
For a moment she just studied her. Amy’s brown hair was tied back loosely, as it often was when she wanted to look casualbut somehow ended up stunning anyway. She was dressed down in yoga leggings and a hoodie, but there was an elegance and comfortable self-possession about her even like that… legs folded under her, eyes focused, occasionally chewing on her lower lip as she read.
Luisa’s fingers itched to reach out, to trace that jawline, to touch those lips. God, she was in love. Stupidly, breathlessly in love.
And it scared the hell out of her.
Amy glanced over then, as if sensing the attention. Their eyes met, and the smile Amy gave her was soft, warm… intimate. The smile of someone who loved her too.
