A blanket from the couch had been draped over me. I fingered the edge of it, tugging it up to cover my bare body. It was actually two. Both of the casual throws from the living room furniture had been placed over me. A pillow lay next to my head, and I realized he must have had the foresight to plop that down for me too.
But he’d left.
I lay there for a long while, listening carefully and straining to hear if there were any sounds in the house. I waited for a clue—any clue—that Adrik hadn’t literally left me here. Lying on the floor.
Sure, the blankets and the pillow were sweet. But as far as caring about me and my comfort?
Stop, El.
Keep yourself in check.
He stilldoesn’tcare.
I stared at the ceiling and let that fact percolate into my brain. It just wasn’t sticking, but the more I repeated it, it had to stick sooner or later.
Adrik Volkov did not care. He wasn’t in the business of comforting me after fucking me so hard. He didn’t have the mindset to see to my needs after having sex with me. Because tohim, it was just something to do. A physical release. An impulse we were both wired to obey.
Why does it have to hurt?
I so badly wanted him to give a damn aboutme. Not his ability to fuck me so hard and good that I could have sworn I’d died and gone to heaven. But to care about me and how I felt and was doing.
It stung, because I had gotten my hopes up against my wishes and wanted to matter to him.
But that pain was only my fault. I could simply blame myself for thinking he had feelings for me.
I’m just his possession.
Something handed over to him all so my father could avoid being punished for that account being screwed up.
Last night, with his ferocious need to fuck me, it seemed like Adrik wanted to prove that I was his conquest. His victory, somehow.
You can’t deny that you loved it, though.
I did. I wholeheartedly enjoyed the experience of him being so hard with me. It wasn’t rough, like when he’d taken me over that desk, but he wasn’t soft. Gruffly tender. That was Adrik Volkov, and that happened to be exactly what turned me on and made me wild for more. My experience with orgasms—with men in general—was lacking. Adrik was all I knew. But he was already all I wanted to know, too.
Quit overthinking it.
I cringed as I sat up again.
It’s just sex.
Maybe he saw it as another way to dominate over me or something.
It’s on you to stop getting feelings for him and making this seem like something more than it actually is.
Sliding my feet up so I could get on my haunches and then stand, I furrowed my brow at how easy it was to move my legs apart. That night when he’d taken me on the desk in the office, I’d been so sticky. It wasn’t easy to run away, wipe the cum away, and still cover myself up. But I’d noticed, obviously, how sticky it was. Of course, it was. Yet, right now, as I prepared to get up, I had to acknowledge that I felt clean. At least I was wiped clean.
I paused for a moment, mulling over the possibility that Adrik had wiped me off. That he’d wanted to linger long enough to clean me up after I’d clearly passed out. I must have embarrassingly dozed off right after I’d come with him.
He cleaned me up.
Which is… nice.
It’s a sweet gesture.
Frowning at the blanket, I reminded myself of the facts I had to stick by.
It’s a sweet gesture, but that doesn’t mean he’s sweet on me.
