My mother blinked, confused.
“I found out from Raschad yesterday,” he continued, giving me a look. “There's nowhere else more important I should be today.”
“Well, that's... we certainly have enough support here. Four of us. You didn't need to trouble yourself?—”
“It'snotany trouble.” His tone stayed respectful but firm as he squeezed my hand. “Supporting Alyssa isn't an inconvenience. It's a privilege.”
My mother tried to hide her surprise and I watched her recalibrate, trying to square this with her expectations.
“Of course,” she said finally, in a bright tone that meant she was pivoting. “How thoughtful.” She turned to me, and her face softened into something proud and pleased. She liked him, I could see that. “Alyssa, you've found yourself a good man. Don't?—”
She stopped herself. But I knew the rest. I'd known it my whole life.Don't be too much. Don't lean too hard. Don't ask for too much.All of it folded into the ‘don’t’she swallowed in front of company.
Julian looked at me, then at my mother. “I found myself a good woman. I’m grateful. You raised her to be strong. I see it every day.” He gave a small nod, like he was conceding her the point. “I don't think being strong and having somebody in your corner are opposites. She's earned both.” He held her eyes warmly. “I enjoy being her corner. Same as you.”
My mother's smile stayed fixed, but the surprise in her eyes couldn’t be missed. He'd heard every word she'd been saying to me my whole life. And he'd just set himself directly between me and it.
I looked behind us at my sisters with a satisfied smirk. Tamika pressed her chin down and put her hand to her chest, with her mouth open, eyes wide. Jada was grinning like a Cheshire cat. And Jordan nodded at Julian’s back, then at me, bit her lip, and started making smack-that-ass gestures.
My mother turned around and their three faces fell to neutral.
“We should head up,” I said, trying not to laugh.
Julian's hand found the small of my back. “Let’s go, Gorgeous.”
In the elevator, Julian stood behind me, solid and present. “You knew about this hearing,” he said quietly. “You didn't tell me.”
“We weren't talking.”
“Before that. You knew before that. You didn't say anything.”
He was right. I'd known for a couple of weeks before our fight. Had carried it alone like I always did.
“I didn't want to bother you with it.”
I felt him exhale, understanding clicking into place. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“Later,” I agreed.
“Later,” he confirmed. “But Alyssa? You're never a bother. You sat on this for weeks. That's what gets me. The fact that you didn't tell me hurts. I don’t need to be protected from caring about you.”
I didn't have anything to say to that. Because he was right.
* * *
The prep roomwas small and too bright. Elena Santos, the prosecutor, ran me through it one more time. Ryan Marsh's defense was heat of passion, arguing he had been overcharged with first-degree murder. That walking in on his wife and Malik had driven him out of his mind. So they'd be working to paint Malik as the villain who'd earned it. Santos needed the opposite: a sympathetic victim, and a grieving widow who wanted justice.
Neither of them had a box for what I actually was. Because the truth was a knot. Malik was Micah’s father, but also a man I could not summon a fond memory of. He’d also been murdered, and I couldn't make myself glad about that either. And somewhere underneath all of it, I understood Ryan Marsh.
Somewhere down the hall, Malik's mother and his brother were waiting for the same trial, wanting the longest sentence the state could hand down. Grieving a man they'd never been betrayed by, free to mourn him cleanly in a way I would never get to. I was supposed to be on their side of it. The widow who was robbed of her future.
I couldn’t get up there and be that. I wasn't going to dance on his grave either.
My hands started to shake on the table as Santos coached me. Julian reached over and covered them with his. He didn't say anything. He just held them steady while I prepared to talk about the worst years of my life in a room full of strangers.
The witness standmade me feel on display. Too high up and too exposed. But when I looked out before taking the oath, Julian was in the front row, right in the center of my line of view. He gave me a slight nod and smile as I sat down, and my nerves seemed to settle.
I'd hoped it would be quick. A few gentle questions from Santos, a few from the defense, twenty minutes and I’d be done. That was before I learned Marsh's family had hired a new defense team. Sharks. So I'd been on the stand for a long time already, passed back and forth between two lawyers who needed opposite truths out of me. I felt like a kid on the stand in the middle of her parents' custody fight. Santos had walked me gently through her questions designed to show Malik as an admittedly flawed yet innocent victim. Now it was the defense's turn again.
