“Mrs. Watson,” May says while my eyes try to adjust to the brightness. “What are you doing here?”
She’s dressed in a long bathrobe that reaches to her ankles and her hair is tucked underneath a sleeping cap. She must have seen me running to the cabin when she was about to go to bed.
“Ummm... I came to surprise my husband.” I clear my throat. “Do you mind?” I push down the flashlight so it points at the ground instead of my face. I have no idea how I’ll talk myself out of this situation.
May hesitates before responding, then she shakes her head. “He’s out of town.”
“When will he be back? Did he say?” It’s hard to fake disappointment when I also feel relief. At least Alex wasn’t lying about being away from the ranch.
“I’m not sure,” May says. “I think tomorrow or the day after.” She glances at my backpack. Even in the darkness, I sense her confusion.
“Can you do me a favor, May? Please don’t tell my husband that I’m here. I want this to be a surprise.”
“I won’t say a thing. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you when he returns. Please come inside.”
Looks like Marcy has not instructed her to keep me out.
Going back into the house is like walking into a mortuary. As soon as we enter, I glance at the sweeping staircase and the pain of losing my baby flares inside me.
“I’ll prepare the bedroom for you.” May approaches the stairs.
“No, you don’t have to do that. I’m sure it looks fine in there. You should go to bed. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”
“Can I make you something to eat?”
“No, I’m good.” I smile. “I already had dinner. I just want to get to bed. I’m pretty tired.”
“Good night, Mrs. Watson,” May says. She watches as I take the stairs, one painful step at a time.
Inside the bedroom, I stare at the bed I shared with Alex. I have no intention of sleeping in it.
I’m not here to stay.
I find the key to the cabin exactly where I thought it would be. After waiting until I’m sure May is asleep, I sneak back out to the cabin.
Chapter 32
It’s only when my bare feet come into contact with the soil that I notice I’m not wearing shoes.
It doesn’t matter. There’s no way I’m turning back. Every second counts.
In front of the door to the cabin, I’m so nervous I almost drop the key.
I finally manage to still my hands long enough to push it into the lock. At the sound of a click, some of the tension in my shoulders melts away.
The first thing I notice when I step inside is a familiar smell, one that instantly takes me back to the past.
I don’t know what I was expecting the interior of the cabin to smell like, but I did not expect the strong musk and pine cologne Alex wore when we first met. When I first got pregnant, it made me nauseous, and he’d stopped wearing it.
The scent now brings back memories I wish I could forget. Memories of my mother rejecting me. Memories of carrying my first baby, a baby I would never get to hold in my arms.
I close the door and debate whether to switch on the light or to leave it off. I could make my way around with the flashlight of my phone, but if I want to search the place fast and thoroughly, I need enough light. Every dark corner has to be exposed.
If May is not asleep and she happens to look out the window again, she might see the light on in the cabin, but when I passed her room on my way out, I heard snoring.
I fumble for a light switch until I find it. Because of the film of dust covering the dome lamp above, the light is dim, but it’s more than enough for me to see.
As my eyes take in the scene in front of me, I recoil.
