‘As soon as we pay for them.’ His cheeks colour. ‘I said one of you would pay when you arrive. Once that’s done, they’ll bring out saddles.’
‘I should probably be the one to do that,’ Benny says, holding out his coin purse to Ruben. ‘Though if you don’t mind handling the actual transaction? You’re less likely to get swindled. I have no idea how much a horse should go for.’
‘That I can do,’ Ruben replies, taking the purse and disappearing back into the stable block.
Minutes later, he returns with a young man and a small girl, each carrying tack. They saddle the horses, and the man gives Ruben a lingering hug. I watch the way the man’s body melts into Ruben, as if his bones are thawing for the first time in weeks, if not longer.
People shouldn’t have to live like this, worrying about freezing to death. That’s why the rebels exist in the first place.
‘Making friends?’ I ask Ruben as he saunters back to us.
‘You know me, I’m a friendly guy. Life is better with good people around you.’
Good people. Is Kyor one of those? He didn’t kill Benny. Is the fact that he didn’tkillsomeone a positive? I don’t know.
Right now, I don’t even know if I’m a good person either.
But I do know that whatever else is going on, my brother needs me to keep my shit together, so that’s what I’m going to do.
When we’ve got everything we need, Ruben and Benny start loading up the horses.
‘Apparently,’ Ruben warns, ‘this mare can be a bit flighty. Who wants to take her?’
‘I’ll have her,’ Benny says, running a confident hand across the mare’s nose. ‘If anyone deserves a good bucking right now, it’s me.’
‘You did what you thought was right at the time. That’s all any of us can do in life.’ Ruben claps Benny on the back. ‘Let it go, man. Holding on to all that guilt … it’s not good for you.’
There’s something about his tone that makes me think Ruben isn’t just talking about Benny. Even with all that we’ve gone through on the trip, his mother must be there, at the back of his mind. The knowledge that her powers have returned to Mortidem, that he succeeded in getting her a house of comfort, only for it to be too late.
And what of the people in the slums he left behind when he took his house in the third? There must be guilt there, too.
Or maybe he’s thinking about me. About the guilt I feel at finding my brother and leaving him in Wrohelm, at risk.
It’s fair to say there’s guilt aplenty in this group right now. We’re mired in it.
Caz clears her throat, breaking the silence that has settled. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t even get a drink in the city of drink and drums,’ she complains as we head out towards the main road.
‘I didn’t get a drink either, if that’s any consolation,’ Ruben replies.
‘Not really, but thanks for trying.’
‘Let me tell you a story,’ Benny begins, ‘about a goat, a group of drummers, and three kegs of homebrew.’
Tuning out Benny’s undoubtedly ludicrous story, my thoughts fix on Kyor.
The last time he was this shattered was just after Zelle was killed, and he sought out fights in every corner of the Retterheld. He’d come back to our dorm bloodied and needing stitches, as if pain might silence the rest. I can’t imagine what he’ll do now, and I hate that I helped cause his anguish.
As we head out on the road, a thought strikes me. ‘We should’ve organised a signal, a bird call or something, so the Sannings knew when we were back,’ I say.
‘They’ve got Loch with them,’ Benny reminds me. ‘They probably knew the moment we mounted the horses.’
I don’t know whether that’s an exaggeration of Loch’s powers or not, but Benny’s right. They’ll know we’re coming well before we get to their location. We agreed to exit on the other side of the city so that wewere well placed to begin the next part of our journey. It is annoyingly slow going, riding through the excited crowds that have gathered for the festival, and it is with some relief that we finally leave the city.
We trot through the slums as we leave, and I still can’t help but give two kids an apple each. Better than giving thewholepack away this time.
The further north we go, the colder things will get, and the less food we’ll be able to hunt. Giving away all our supplies this time would border on suicide.
We’re not long out of the city when Benny speaks. ‘There.’ He points. ‘Moving in the shadows. Near the forest’s edge.’
