I poke at his stomach, and as he laughs, I kiss him, swallowing the sound. Penn wraps his arms around me, holding me, and the kiss stays soft and sweet. When we pull away, I rest my head against his chest, grateful his heart is beating as fast as mine is.
I don’t know where I’m supposed to be.
But I know, without a doubt, that this is who I’m supposed to be with.
I didn’t orchestrate any of this, or plan for it, and I certainly never expected to slow-dance with Penn Hayes in the middle of the sidewalk. On skates. But this strange, spontaneous moment feels more perfectly aligned than all the others because I’m not trying to play the game anymore. I just want my other half to know I’m his, too.
I tilt back to look at him. “I don’t know what happened to me these last couple weeks. The lines blurred.” Between worlds. Between the two of us. “And I don’t think there’s any going back, but I don’t care, because I don’t want to go back to how it was, Penn. Or how we were.”
He bites his lip. Shakes his head. “Me neither.”
My real life, if I ever return to it, will never look the same, because I won’t return as the same person. Even if I woke up tomorrow back in my old apartment, with my closet full of Ann Taylor clearance finds, I wouldn’t be able to erase all that’s happened here, or who I’ve become.
Across timelines, or universes—or whatever this is—everything that’s happened, and all the feelings that have shaken loose, will still live somewhere inside me, whether or not I remember the details.
But Penn won’t know any of it. I have to tell him while I can.
Taking his hands, I look into the crinkly, gray-blue eyes that steady me like nothing else and say, “Penn, I don’t want fear to hold me back anymore. And I don’t want to play games with you or try to make up rules so that I can feel safer. I just want to roll the dice, okay?”
Light spills out the door, and the Disco Diner sign glows brightly enough for me to see the edge of Penn’s growing smile, his eyes alight as he stares back at me in a dazed sort of wonder.
His face begins to blur, my vision turning hazy.
“Penn,” I say, starting over again. “I want this: me and you. Whatever that means, and wherever we end up. I—”
Everything goes black.
22
Hey There, Dorothy
I’m lost inthe moment, floating. Something stronger than adrenaline pumps through me as blood rushes into my ears, my limbs tingling and weak. I can’t hear or see a thing. All my senses soften as one sharp truth comes into focus:Me and Penn. He knows. I told him.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Penn’s disembodied voice is trailed by his familiar touch. His warm fingers brush across my cheek, and as I reach up to cover his hand with mine, I’m nearly blinded by a sudden rush of light. I blink, and blink again, and finally, I see him.
In fact, Penn is all I see, his face filling my vision.
But then he pulls away and a white stucco ceiling comes into view, along with a rather ugly wooden fan, and I’m no longer floating. I’m sinking, actually. Into a bed.
“Oh my God,” I whisper, unable to move as I stare up at the ceiling. “What is this place?”
Penn laughs. “C’mon, my place isn’t that bad.”
Wait.I’m at Penn’s place? In his bed?“But how…we…”
“Are you feeling alright?” Concern slips into his voice. “I mean, that was a hell of a fall, Wynne. Quite the way to cap off your birthday.”
A ringing starts in my ears. My heart races, thrashing against my rib cage.
My birthday. Ididfall.
And now I’m back. In reality.
I look around the room, trying to get my bearings, clocking the details one at a time like I’m reading labels in a children’s book. The walls are white. The duvet is navy blue. The sheets are a dark plaid. Penn’s baseball caps hang on hooks set over a wooden dresser, and he sits beside me on the bed, handsome and sleepy in a white T-shirt and flannel pants.
Euphoric, I sit up too quickly, Looney Tunes stars twinkling across my vision—again—as I sway, struggling to stay upright. Penn reaches for my upper arms, steadying me, and his face comes back into focus. His hair is a little shorter than I expect, his scruff a little longer.
