It sounds like a goose dying a horrible death, and also, taking my dreams of a full-time magazine writing gig with benefits down the drain with it. Larry barks, too, a reflex to hearing the buzzer. I glance behind me, at Jack’s big, naked body.
I am pretty sure if Arial sees Jack in my bed… that check will be canceled. Immediately.
I sit up, feeling like a cold bucket of reality just fell on my head, as I scramble to reach for my clothes on the floor. Then hobble on my still-tender ankle to the door buzzer, hitting the intercom. Larry meets me in the living room, trying to get to the door, but running into the small foyer table instead, making the glass bowl where I keep my keys and mail wobble.
“Hello? Arial?”
“Yes? Can you buzz me up?” she answers.
“I’m… I’m not dressed.” That’s an understatement. I have no underwear on and only my oversize T-shirt, which, I notice, is inside outandbackward. Plus, my condo smells like sex and wine. Larry barks once more. Even he agrees it’s a bad idea. “So sweet of you to bring the check by, but you can just leave it on the mailboxes!”
“Oh?” Arial sounds disappointed. “But I’ve got some other news to tell you. I’ll just be one second? I promise?”
Damn it. I can’t tell my boss no. That would seem weird. But… I have a naked man in my condo, which I donotthink she’d appreciate. I hit the buzzer, and then I notice my bedroom door is open a crack, and somehow, Jackstillseems to be asleep because I see his big, bare man foot hanging off the corner of my bed. I rush over and close the door, and by the time I get to the front door, I hear Arial on the steps, and then there’s a quick rap on my door. I swing it open, holding it like a shield in front of me.
Arial’s eyes widen in surprise. “I am so sorry? I know you’re getting dressed. I just have the check, but I also have super fun news that I wanted to deliver in person!”
“You really didn’t have to come.” Wouldn’t a Zoom call and a stamped envelope have done it?
“I wanted to? BecauseSolo Februaryis like, an amazing smash? They want you to go onLet’s Talk!”
I blink. That’s my mom’s favorite morning show. I think it’s every mom’s favorite morning show. They offer a book club, a Steal this Deal! segment, and real-time makeovers for studio audience members at least once a month.
“They do?”
“Yes! Oh, and here’s your check?” She hands a manila envelope through the cracked door. I take it.
“Oh, that’s so sweet. So thoughtful. Okay, well, bye!” I swipe it out of her hands and try to close the door.
“Wait! Can I come in?”
“Uh. No!” Arial jumps. “I mean, my stomach. It’s not feeling so great. I’m a little hungover.”
“It won’t take long?” Arial promises. “I thought maybe we could chat about what you could wear? I mean, if you needto borrow something from The Closet, I have tons of options.”
She glances over my shoulder into my apartment. I look backward, too, afraid. That’s when I see… the two empty wineglasses on my coffee table. And the overturned boxes of Valentine’s Day candy… and even worse, Jack’s very large black boots, clearly not mine, near my couch. And his peacoat. And… is that his shirt? And… my bra?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Did you… have a party last night?” Arial asks innocently, her blue eyes sweeping the room and settling on Jack’s boots. How am I going to explain those?
“Yes. Party. Galentine’s.” I grin, anxious.
“Are those… your boots?” she asks. “They look… big?”
“Uh. Yeah. My… uh… dad’s actually. I keep them around for… uh… shoveling snow.” Lies. So many lies. “And I haven’t had time to clean up since the… party.”
Oh, Lord. Larry is headed over to my bra. He sniffs at it. I pray Arial hasn’t noticed he’s inspecting my lingerie.
“The party for two?”
“Uh… yeah. Just one girlfriend.” Cold sweat trickles down my back. Flop sweat breaks out all over the rest of my body. Arial sees right through me. Ack.
Larry’s back at the front door. He dips down and licks her shoelaces.
“Larry!” I push him back in. “Sorry about that,” I apologize to Arial. “Look, sorry. My stomach! Oh, I am so hungover… I really need to go.” I need to close this door.Now.
“Oh! Okay, well then, just let me know if you need anything?”Just then, back in the bedroom, I hear Jack yawn. A monstrous, Tarzan-like, chandelier-shaking yawn.
