She waved Dalia back down the driveway. Then she stood there, batting away insects and wondering if she should look for Nico or simply pack up and leave.
No, Dalia was right. She had an apology to make.
She wasn’t a quitter and she never had been. She wasn’t going to start now.
Thirty-Two
Nico put down the ax to balance the log on the stump. He was chopping wood to pass time productively, since his attention was shot to hell. He’d looked for Roger after the fight with Valerie but had only found his phone on the table, and one of the canoes missing. Roger was somewhere on the water, communing peacefully with nature, and while normally Nico encouraged that kind of healthy behavior, today it was extremely inconvenient.
He took aim with the ax and slammed it down with a resounding crack. He couldn’t bring himself to text Valerie, although his phone had been flooded with messages that eventually slowed, then stopped. She’d been in the wrong, that was undeniable, but he was ashamed at how unnecessarily cruel he’d been. He took aim again. The impact reverberated through his arms but wasn’t enough to shake out the thoughts running through his head.
Valerie’s words had hurt because they were true. He had enmeshed too much of his life with Roger’s because Roger needed him. Or he thought Roger did. Maybe it had been the other way around and he’d been the needy one.
He stared down at the pockmarked stump. What was he to the family he’d spent so much of his time and effort easing life for, instead of focusing on himself? He’d insisted to Kimmy that he was perfectly happy, but was he? Was he loyal or was he scared? Was he willing to give up a good job with Roger for a dream he wasn’t sure would work? Stability for change and uncertainty? To jump into life the way Valerie did?
Maybe.
He’d been at the Bread Company since he started work, and Roger’s executive assistant for much of that time. Perhaps it was time he tried something new.
He didn’t want to work as an assistant anymore.
He didn’t need to be so closely invested in the Badgertons.
He didn’t need to subsume his own life into Roger’s.
He prodded gently at this, as if testing the limits of an injury. He thought leaving Roger would be devastating but instead he felt almost free, like slipping off a weight.
Nico grabbed one of the log segments and put it upright, then brought down the ax. The pieces fell to the grass and he thought about the future he wanted. He pictured it like a flowchart. There was the oval start coming down to the diamond representing his first decision. Did he want to stay with Roger in a life that was increasingly stagnant?
To the right, no. Below, yes.
Nico retrieved the email from Gia from his trash folder and thought about Valerie telling him to just see. He could just see where this went. He typed out a short reply to tell Gia he’d been looking at a career shift. Could they meet when she got back from her cruise to talk about roles like the one she’d been hiring for? He read it over. Then again.
He sent it.
It felt like the end of an era when he lifted his finger from the screen, but perhaps he would never be ready. Perhaps life simply came at youon its own terms regardless of whether you were prepared. You either ducked or grabbed for it with everything you had.
Like Valerie. He hadn’t been looking for her, but here she was.
He visualized the next decision diamond. Did he want a future with Valerie? There wasn’t a moment of hesitation. Every arrow pointed to yes.
He wasn’t going to duck. He was going to find Valerie and he was going to apologize and hear her out. Nico was going to have to talk about his feelings, which he didn’t love, but he wanted to get it out in the open so they could move on and not let it build the way he had with Stefanie.
However, locating Valerie, like finding Roger, was an issue. She wasn’t by the lake or in her bunkie or on any of the paths. Finally, he went into the house, where people were helping themselves to the seasonal yogurt parfaits and brioche breakfast sandwiches laid out by the assiduous yet unseen staff.
Nico checked the Mariposa room but it was empty. “Has anyone seen Valerie?”
Alice looked up from the new washcloth she was crocheting. She must have a dozen of them now. “I thought she went out. Oh, here she is.”
Valerie arrived, and it killed him to see how forlorn she looked. Before he could ask if they could talk, Roger came in from the other entrance. “The lake is like glass,” he said happily, grabbing the oatmeal pack left for him.
Nico thought this moment would be one of triumph but instead he felt sick with nerves at telling Roger what they’d found—and sicker with the desperation of wanting to talk to Valerie. Valerie shifted from foot to foot, and when he glanced over, he saw the smile on her face was more like a grimace. She was nervous too. At least they were united in that.
The door opened to reveal Penny. Her arms were filled with flowers wrapped with string and a tote bag that had a baguette poking out like a Parisienne coming back from her daily shopping. She zeroed in onValerie with a small smile Nico wasn’t sure he liked. It wasn’t friendly, or kind, but the sort of smile worn by someone sitting in a futuristic egg chair petting a white Persian cat.
“Hey, Pen,” said Roger. “Have fun at the farmers’ market?”
Penny tossed the bags on the island without looking. “I’m glad you’re all here.”
