“Ari admitting she doesn’t know how to do something?”
That’s it. The tears come hot and hard, spilling from the dam I stuff all my feelings behind. “I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say because every emotion has come to those two words, over and over.
“You know,” she says conversationally, “I’m the one in therapy, but you should be there beside me. You’ve got some issues.”
“I want to fix this.”
She holds up her hand. “Let’s unpack this ‘fixing’ idea. You’reimportant and part of my life, but I am about me. You are about you.” She kicks the garbage bag aside to walk across the room before grabbing my arms so I have no choice but to look up at her. “It’s not about fixing because it’s not broken. We’re two people with some baggage that we’ll work through because we love each other.”
She must see my confusion because she smiles, and this time, it’s gentle. “We’ll be there for each other. Don’t judge me. It’s all I ever wanted from you, and you’ve never given it to me. I don’t think I gave it to you either.”
I take a deep breath. My skin is raw. My throat is dry. “That’s it?”
“I mean, it’ll probably be a bit bumpy at first, but yeah. We move forward from here. We be here for each other.”
“I’m sorry I was a hostile jerk.”
“I’m sorry I snitched on you to Mom and Dad to take the pressure off me for failing gym when you tried to change the B to an A on your report card in grade four.”
“I knew it. I knew that was you!” My forgery had been perfect. I’d been grounded for a month, three weeks for getting the B in the first place and then a week for the lying.
She puts her arm around me. “You know I love you.”
“Ditto.”
“Ari, jeez, c’mon.”
I touch my head to hers and take a deep breath. “I love you, too.”
“Good.” She claps her hands together. “Now it’s time to talk about you.”
“I’d rather not.”
“I know, but Hana got my number from that Alex guy and texted me,” she says. “Says you’re a mess.”
“Thanks.”
“Not like I couldn’t see that for myself,” she continues. “Dude sure did a number on you.”
“Aren’t you on Jihoon’s side?” There’s the bitter me coming out again, and I wince. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I think you did, but you’re clearly out of practice, so I’ll let it pass. For the record, I didn’t say he was a blameless angel, only that you could have stayed to talk it out instead of taking off.” She settles into the high stool beside me. “Now it looks like you’re not even mad.”
I fork up more pineapple. “How can I be mad he put the needs of the collective over me?”
“Because this is notStar Trek II: The Wrath of Khanand he is not Spock?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Wrath of Khan? When Spock…” She sighs. “Never mind. The point is he didn’t have to make that choice.”
“He felt he did. Isn’t it the same thing?” I shake my head. “I know he was under a lot of pressure.”
“You can be angry about it.”
“It’s just…” I push the pineapple away. “Even if he didn’t know they were going to say I was some sort of deluded fan, he also didn’t want to tell the truth.”
“You’re sad because he broke your trust.”
