“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Mom shouts as she jumps out of the golf cart and wraps her arms around me. She holds me a little tighter than she normally would, and I know it’s because she thinks I’m still mourning the loss of my relationship with Travis.
When I called them and told them I was coming, they asked if he would be joining, and I had to tell them he wouldn’t. They wanted to ask questions, but they saw the heartbroken look on my face, and that was all the answer they needed.
“You look well,” Dad says as he kisses me on the cheek and holds me in his arms.
They grab my bags for me and toss them in the back of the golf cart. I can’t help but smile and laugh as I look at my dad wearing his Sunroot Solstice Festival shirt from last year. It’s a pale-orange shirt with a graphic of the sun hugging a person with sweat beading down their face and the wordSol-Matewritten below.
“What have you guys been up to?” I ask.
“I led morning yoga. We did some sun salutations,” Dad says, looking over his shoulder at me with a grin. “The sun waved back. We’re just tight like that now.”
I roll my eyes, forcing a fake laugh at his terrible joke. Normally I would love his ridiculous dad jokes, but I can’t bring myself to let out a genuine laugh. Mom is clearly tickled by it, as she laughs and nudgeshim on the shoulder. Watching the two of them together only reminds me of me and Travis, and I have to look away to force the memory aside.
Even though I try to hide my heartbreak, they notice. I can see the pity on their faces when they look at me. I wish I could forget about it and move on, but it’s not that simple.
When we get to the commune, I see loads of familiar faces. People wave at me, and some even approach to chat, but I tell them all I’m too exhausted from traveling. I just need time to unwind and take a break from the heat before I can socialize. A group of kids playing tag dart by, and one of them stops dead in front of me, eyeing my travel-weary appearance. “You look like a melted candle,” she says with zero malice, just pure child honesty.
I blink at her, then nod. “Fair.”
She shrugs and sprints off, leaving me questioning all my life choices.
Everyone here is always mindful about respecting other people’s privacy. Of course, gossip runs through the commune like a plague, but I know they won’t bother me right now if I don’t want them to.
We get to the cabin, and I’m thankful for the semi-cool air around us before plopping down on the sofa. My parents sit on either side of me and look at each other before looking back at me.
“I was thinking I would make something fun for dinner tonight,” Mom says with a soft smile. “I got some chicken from Carl, and I was thinking I’d make the Marry Me Chicken you love so much.”
I bite my cheek and blink away the immediate tears that start to form. Of course, of all the dishes she knows how to make, that’s the one she mentions now.
“You know what? I’m actually not feeling that great. Why don’t we save that for another night?” I force a smile, and she nods.
“There’s a bonfire tonight, too, if you want to come. The whole compound is going to be there.” My dad smiles at me with eagerness in his eyes.
Honestly, the last thing I want to do is be surrounded by a bunch of people, having to pretend like everything is normal for me. It’s not, andI don’t know how I’m going to fake it. But looking at the excitement in his eyes, I find it hard to say no.
“That sounds fun. I feel like I should just get some sleep before, though.” I fake a yawn and stretch before standing up. “There was a screaming baby on the plane, and it was a nightmare. I really am beat.”
I don’t listen to any protests even if they plan on giving them, because I walk directly to my old bedroom. It’s been a while since I spent a night here, and I’m flooded with nostalgia. I remember staying up late here with friends and giggling about boys we had crushes on. Once, I even sneaked my first boyfriend, Paul, into the room in the middle of the night to make out.
Even now, when I think about it, Paul’s face is replaced by Travis’s, and I groan while I force the thought aside. I fall back on the bed and hold a pillow over my face as I try to get my thoughts straight. Eventually I close my eyes and fall asleep.
I wake up a few hours later with the sun still shining through the window and some laughter ringing through the cabin. I change into fresh, non-sweaty clothes and make my way out to see what’s going on.
My parents are sitting at the kitchen table with board games sprawled out in front of them.
“You’re up! I was just about to go get you to see if you wanted to play Life with us,” Mom says. Both of them look at me with wide smiles. Even through the smiles, I can see the concern in their eyes.
I nod and join them. Maybe this is good for me. I can get invested in the game, and through a little bit of friendly competition, I’ll have a few minutes where I’m not constantly thinking about Travis.
Unfortunately, it’s not so easy. We play the game, and at first things are going well. I’ve got a good job, and I live in a nice house that I can barely afford. Then I have to decide if I’m going to get married. For some reason, this pretend decision for a small pink peg in an orange car is a big one.
I’m not thinking about the game anymore. I’m thinking about the future I lost with Travis. The two of us could have been together,and now we’re several states apart and I have no idea what’s going on with him.
My stomach twists at the idea of everything he could be up to while I’m not there. I remember Nicole and the excited look on his face when he found his next victim.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a shaky voice as I excuse myself from the table and go back to my room.
My parents try to distract me with other things for the rest of the day. They ask me to watch a new movie with them. They want to ask me about books I’ve read and tell me to show them footage from my travels. I just can’t do it. I ignore them and close my eyes to try to stop thinking about Travis.
