“Not out of guilt,” she bit out. “I won’t have you this way.”
The silence between them was thick, fiery. The last time she had seen him like this had been when he had believed her a spy, but tonight, his anger was directed inward.
“How?” The words were too quiet for all their weight. They struck like ice—a gradual slither down her body.
“Obligated.” Her throat locked until she almost couldn’t speak. “Yes, I want to know. But when you tell me, it’ll be becauseyouwant to. Not because I forced the words before you were ready.”
“I hurt you.” There was a darkness to his eyes now. “And he did too.”
Her throat closed, not ready to think about it yet. “And I’ll make him pay. But Noceo doesn’t matter to me.Youdo. I think I know why you didn’t tell me, andthat’swhat burns, Kadra.”
It would have mattered little if he weren’t ready to speak of his past. She knew all too well what it was like to hold a secret that was hard to utter. But that wasn’t why he had kept these.
“We can speak of your reasons.” Her heart felt like a thousand boil beetles had torn through it when he stayed quiet. “But do not give me your secrets until you acknowledge that you hid them because you thought that I wasn’t strong enough for them.”
“Never.”
While she struggled to understand that, he flicked a finger at the silent hearth between them, and it roared to life to paint his face in grim swaths of red and umber. Warmth foolishly uncurled in her gut at the familiarity of the sight, at the knowledge that she could make the cruel slash of his mouth tip upward in a smile. He watched her too, something raw and fierce painting his hard face with a flush.
She didn’t move when he took a step forward, and cradled her cheek in his palm, holding it featherlight. He gripped her hand and brought it to his pulse. It throbbed beneath her fingertips, sending hunger arcing through her veins.
“I say this, because Iwantyou to know.” The voice she adored devolved to a scarred rasp. “I have never had anyone to call mine.”
Her pulse stuttered against her sternum, memories besieging her of the nights he spent in her, his guttural praise, the desperate, hungry way he took her, and one word. One vow. Every time.Yours.
Yours.
He tilted her head up, his hand tightening on her cheek when her breath hitched. “I’ve been… happy.” He said it with the wonderment of a man who was new to the word. “Since the first night you crossed the threshold into Aoran Tower. I didn’t want it to end.”
She wet her lips with her tongue. His thumb traced the motion. “Why would it end?”
“You’ll—”
“Leave? Have you tried and convicted me already?” She fisted a hand in his soot-stained robes to pull him closer. “At least, allow me to plead my case.”
His eyes glittered. “You aren’t on trial.”
“So, you are?” An aching warmth hummed over her body, seeping down to the spaces between her toes. She flattered her grip on his robes to press her palm to his chest. “And have you gone and found yourself guilty? Or did you assume that I would?”
His rough exhale said that her reasoning had struck home. Broad fingers slid over the ones she had splayed over him, nudging her grip wider so he could interlock their hands. Every bone in her body begged her to draw closer.
Letting go, she stepped back. “I’m yours,” she whispered. “Let me know when you decide to believe it.”
Fighting tears, she pushed open the door to the adjoining bathing room, and stripped off her blood-and-dust-covered clothes to sink into the granite bathtub. She loved him. She craved him. But it wasn’t enough for her to have his heart if he doubted that he had hers.
“Noceo and I aren’t too different.”
She stilled in the act of washing her face.
“Eleven years ago, Clan Kader’s manor was my home.” Kadra paced the bedroom. “I preferred being by the servants’ quarters. The others were determined not to fraternize with them, so I had all the quiet I wanted.”
“Others?”
Kadra’s gaze was distant as if he were staring all the way to the farthest corner of the world. “My siblings. At the time, Clevsin was as powerful a lightning magus as the Magus Supreme before Aelius. But he was risk-averse. He preferred the underworld to ruling above ground. He enjoyed creating a dynasty to rule from the shadows. He had little trouble finding the women.”
Understanding dawned. “Noceo’s your half brother.”
He nodded, unbuttoning his robes. “The oldest now. There were others, older and younger, but Clevsin was a harsh taskmaster. Not everyone survived.”
