“Ummm. Okay,” she says. “And then you left him.”
Wanting to return inside, I finger the bedchamber’s door pull. “Did he tell you he tried to pretend he’s not in pain and explained his illness as spring colds, as everything but the blood sickness?”
“He’s a proud man and doesn’t like to complain.”
“We lay in bed in our quiet dacha where we spent our wedding trip. That’s when I realized he’s in the same brutal pain Mama had been. He told me not to be concerned. It was just a headache, not an illness which will kill him and the future we should’ve had.”
She grasps my shoulder and jerks me away from the door. “You sound like Wickham.” Her head rears back and she quotes, “The possession of a most valuable living—Wickham whines of it often. Like you, Katherine—you’re angry about the living you ought to have had.”
“What are you talking about? Who is this Wickham?”
“Stephen has me readingPride and Prejudiceby A. Lady to calm the duke, except it doesn’t calm him. He wants Wickham destroyed and seems anguished over Darcy’s treatment.”
Scarlett has lost her mind.
Or maybe I have. But I’m grateful that Scarlett isn’t condemning me. “At least you’re talking with me. Didn’t think you would.”
“I love you, but Katherine, I’m hurt. How could you be so cruel as to keep a good man from his child?”
“Especially if his days are numbered.” I cover my mouth, then through parted fingers, I say, “I’ve done so badly. I’ve injured him; now it’s his turn to punish me.” My head drops. “Can’t he see? I’ve been a good mother in secret.”
“Katherine, you have been motherly to me, to all of us, especially Lydia. But every one of your actions is built on lies.”
“It’s no secret how much I love you and Georgina. And I love my daughter more than anything. You know I sacrificed everything to protect our family?”
“I think you see your deception as this,” she says, her fingers sinking into her apron. “And I know how hard you worked to help Mama through her illness. Yet you were willing to let the duke die without the truth. That’s hard to forgive.”
My throat dries like the air about a hearth burning Wilcox coal. “I … I’m sorry for the lies. I thought he’d have married by now. Someone who wouldn’t get numb every time he struggled to breathe. He should’ve moved on and had a family.”
“He has one. It’s the Wilcoxes and Charleses. And now Carews.”
“If he’d loved someone else, he could’ve had a son, a healthy son to be worthy of all the battles he’s fought.”
Scarlett glares at me. “He chose you. From what I understand of the princess, marrying someone without noble birth was a grand choice.”
“Jahleel is noble, nobler than I. And his character is stronger—” I sound pitiful. “I’m going to make it up to him. I’m so sorry to have caused so much ruin.”
“Katherine, I love you, but this is all your fault. You left a man who adored you and then came up with hurtful lie after hurtful lie about his character to justify your fears.”
“I thought I divorced him. I renounced the marriage in the square. We were done. Didn’t know that only he could say that.”
“You think Russians are less paternalistic than the British. Men can get out of things when they want, not women.”
“Yes, we are left to suffer.”
“Suffer? Did he beat you? Was he proven adulterous? Tell me something to make your treatment of him and Lydia make sense. Was it the illness? You can’t love a sick man?”
I drop my head. There’s nothing but the insurmountable fear of the thing that killed my mother and Scotland, and the lies Tavis and his parents told me. “I didn’t want a life chained to suffering with a man who was a philanderer and a gambler. But everything I thought was true about Jahleel was a lie.”
Her eyes get big. “I told you the duke said a lot of things while he slept. A lot. I don’t think he fully knew about the sickness, not until his sister died and physicians in London diagnosed him.”
My ears ring. Jahleel didn’t know! Scarlett’s voice echoes in my head.
I crumble, flopping again to the floor.
My sister drops her apron and sits beside me. She lifts my chin. “You were younger. And the sickness is scary. It hurts to watch him fight to breathe. But none of that makes up for how you’ve treated the duke.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
