“But you did.” Scarlett looks down the corridor. “In this particular scenario, I guess we are lucky that he is a good man. Lydia’s elevated.”
My sister and I haven’t been easy with each other for a long time. “I want peace, peace with everyone.”
“The Duke of Torrance can’t help his sickness any more than Mama. I can’t believe that this is why you turned against him. Sickness—that’s something that could be solved if it affected more of the ton and Mayfair.”
She means white men. They have more access to physicians and hospitals. Women struggle to get care even for having a child. “Don’t hate me, Scarlett. I already hate myself.”
Her shoulders sag. “I don’t hate you, but I can hate what you’ve done. As close as you were to our father, you know what it would’ve meant for Lydia and the duke to have more time as father and daughter, especially if we lose him tonight.”
My cheeks become wet again.
Scarlett looks unmoved. “The wild-lettuce tea has made him reveal that he spoke to our father on your wedding day. He said he’d annul your union to Tavis because you were already married. Papa said you were happy, finally happy after a long sadness. That made the duke walk away from St. George’s.”
“Jahleel was there? That can’t be.”
My sister tugs me up and hauls me to the mirror in the hall, the one close to Lydia’s bedchamber. “He described me holding baby Lydia. The fever has made him say so many things. He couldn’t figure out why you hated him. Then he figured you never actually loved him, and he wanted that to change what he felt for you. It didn’t. If he had known that day that Lydia was his daughter, he wouldn’t have relented. He’d even remain in a loveless marriage hoping to win back your affections for your child’s sake.”
Looking at my face in the glass, I don’t recognize myself. Terror and sadness weigh down my tears. “I don’t like who I’ve become. I’ve told myself stories to justify lies.”
“He had his title; he could’ve had his family,” Scarlett says. “The man didn’t care one jot about scandal. But Papa thought you loved Tavis and didn’t want the Wilcoxes exposed to more gossip. Even then, Jahleel Charles was the better man.”
“Tavis said he invited Jahleel, but he didn’t care. His own parents refused to come. I thought Jahleel did, too. I thought he was done with me.”
Scarlett looks at me like I am the stupidest woman in the world. Well, this face in the mirror looking back at me, mine, surely belongs to a stubborn fool.
“Katherine, being afraid of what others think has ruined lives. How long will you let it ruin yours?”
More tears again run down my cheeks. “I need to be honorable now. I need to help Jahleel.”
I can’t look at my reflection anymore. and turn to my sister. “Scarlett, how do I fix this?”
“Sometimes there’s no solution. Just know, if the duke … when he recovers, he’s taking Lydia with him to St. Petersburg. He wants to be away from here.”
Her warning thuds in my ear. “Everything is lost. There’s no forgiveness if they are gone.”
My sister’s face turns ashen … like stone. “That is true.”
The personal maid Jahleel has hired to attend Lydia, Mrs. Cantor, leaves my daughter’s room. “Ma’am, Lady Hampton, the child finally went to sleep. Is the duke better?”
Scarlett mouths,No.
Shoulders slumped, head bent, the old woman tiptoes to the stairs.
“Lydia’s suffering right now,” I say, my voice crumbling. “That man struggling to live loved her before he knew she was his. There’s no forgiveness if they, if he or she is gone. If Jahleel dies …”
A warm hand scented with charcoal and herbs touches my chin. Scarlett lifts my gaze to hers. “My big sister is capable of greatness. Scotland and I were always in awe of you. Be great again, Katherine, dazzle us with your determination and kindness. Don’t be afraid. You’re more than a mistake, even one as big as this.”
Before we lose this moment, I draw her into a hug. “Congratulations. Stephen saw us earlier. He’s quite in love.”
“We both are. Stephen and I understand and accept one another.” She pulls away, and her eyes sink to the thick carpet. “Katherine, if the duke and Lydia go to St. Petersburg, I’ll go with them.”
“But you’re newly married. Your husband is here.”
“The duke and Lydia need care. It’s the only way to extend their lives. I don’t know what to say to Stephen yet, but he’s a physician. He knows what it means to care for sick patients.”
I hug Scarlett again. “Jahleel and Lydia will stay. Your happiness will not be compromised because of me. The duke knew Stephen Carew would make you happy, just as he knew LordMark loved Georgina. He’s not selfish. He won’t ask you to make this separation.”
Scarlett releases me. “It’s not up to him. It’s my decision. My dedication to finding the cure was for Mama. Now it’s for them.”
