“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I should’ve realized you would be upset.” Saying I’m a grown woman and I shouldn’t have to explain myself right now would only seem disrespectful to my parents, who continued to be faithful members of the church my grandfather started.
Mama pointed at me. “See what I mean? What parents wouldn’t be upset to know that their grown child is in a sex video? Judging us like we don’t care. Your best way to handle what happened was to send a text and ignore our calls?”
“You calledonce, Mama.” I reminded her.
“One time too many when you didn’t have the decency to answer or call me back,” she snapped.
“Well, I’m here now.” I took a calming breath. “I hope you didn’t have any problems at the church or work because of the video.”
My father scoffed. “It would’ve been embarrassing if you didn’t announce your engagement that same week. Instead of jokes at church and on the boat, my coworkers told me I was lucky that my daughter had landed a billionaire. Like your mother, I faked like I knew what was going on in my daughter’s life when I knew nothing.”
I closed my eyes tightly before looking at my father. “I made a mess of things, and I came here to hash it all out.”
He scratched his beard and didn’t quite meet my eyes. “I never thought of how our arguing affected you. It’s how me and your mama communicate. Always have since high school. Might not seem right, but it’s what we do. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I wanted to lock her down from the first moment I saw her. I know I love her more than she loves me, and that she didn’t want to get married.” My father looked at me with a proud smile. “It’s all right because I get to claim her as my wife for as long as she’ll allow me to be her husband.”
My heart skipped a beat at my father’s confession, and the tension melted away from my mother as her expression softened toward her husband. “I love you just as much, and I’m not going anywhere. Just had a hard time adjusting to a life I never envisioned. I don’t regret being married or having Kensie. Sometimes, I just wish you would really hear me, so I don’t have to fuss. That you get that I still need your help around the house, and that I still love to be taken out by my husband.”
“I have gotten better at listening. I just surprised you with dinner the other night.”
Mama smiled. “You have, and you did.”
Daddy met her gaze, and the heat of their longtime love passed over and through me.Have I misjudged themand ignored their affection for each other?
She refocused on me. “Give us grace, Kensie. We met and fell in love when we were sixteen, and a year later, we were a family of three. We’ve made mistakes and will probably make more. You’re an adult and know how complicated and nuanced life can be. At twenty-nine, you’re still not sure about marriage when you expected us to understand it at seventeen.”
“How do you know I’m unsure about marriage?”
“I assume you and that race car driver broke up if you’re here without him.” Then she tilted her head. “Or maybe you’re too embarrassed by us to introduce him.”
“No, Mama, not embarrassed.” My stomach suddenly churned, and the roast and potatoes may not have been a good idea. I stood up and paced back and forth, trying to settle my nerves. “I didn’t want to introduce you until I was sure that we were real.”
“Engagement seems pretty real,” Daddy argued.
“That’s another reason I’m here. I wanted to come clean about everything.” I started cracking my knuckles. “Um . . . I . . .” I closed my eyes.How do I tellmy parents that I faked an engagement in front ofthe world for my career and to save face overa sex video?
Mama patted the space beside her. “No matter what it is, you can tell us. Stop all that worrying. There’s nothing you can do that’s going to stop how proud we are of you.”
I glanced around the walls of the family room, taking in the evidence of their love and pride. Pictures of me throughout my life, along with my elementary school certificates and awards, are framed and on display. The book I wrote sat on the coffee table along with the array of magazines my parents subscribed to.
They had loved me and wanted me. I chose not to see it because it didn’t come in the bright package I believed their love should’ve been wrapped in.
Maybe I’d done the same thing to Canaan and walked away when I should’ve fought harder.
Mama patted the cushion again. “Sit.”
“Only if Daddy sits next to me.” I pulled my father’s arm until he moved from his favorite chair to sit beside me on the sofa.
Leaning on his strong shoulder and holding my mother’s hand, I caught them up about my life.
Chapter 33
Kensie
Three days later, I traveled from Shreveport to Dallas. The time away from Houston allowed me to reflect on the last few months. I wanted to feel hope, not regret, at the end of my blissful time with Canaan. The conversation with my parents helped me understand their decision to remain together. As Canaan had believed, they did love each other. They just hadn’t realized that their way of loving each other was negatively impacting me. It was an eye-opening conversation that drew me closer to my parents. We promised to visit each other more, and they promised to be more supportive of my career and more involved in my life.
As I prepared to confess my sins on a live in a downtown Dallas hotel, I mused that despite my aching heart, Canaan showed me how to be vulnerable and to love. I enjoyed our closeness and our friendship. Eventually, I would move past the daily pain of waking up alone. I vowed that when I healed this time, I wouldn’t shut the door on love again with the next man. My research wouldn’t just be fodder for my social media, awards, and books. It would reflect my life.
Jumping around my room and shaking my hands to release the building nervous energy didn’t seem to work. I finally eased to the floor and drew in long breaths as I’d seen Canaan do for weeks. When I opened my eyes, quiet filled me. I grabbed my cell off the bed, remained seated on the carpet, and started the camera.
