“Hey, everybody. I’ve read your messages, and I thank you for all your love and support during this challenging time. I want to give a love shot to the couples who met through my book and keep kicking it. Finding a person who truly gets you is the hardest damn thing in the world. So, when you find it, hold on to it for dear life because it could be fleeting if you don’t.” Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and I willed the replacement of sadness with hope. “I know I’ve been out of pocket for a while. Again, I appreciate all the well wishes and concerns. Your comments kept me going through my darkest hour, and I’m good. Canaan is good.
“He’s recovering from his injuries and will race again if you haven’t heard. I wanted to clear the record, or maybe to set the record straight.” I lifted my chin and focused on my screen, noting the many comments swirling past. “It’s not my intention, and I hope my confession doesn’t cause Canaan’s impressive career any further harm. I want to separate the truth from the speculation and rumors I read in your comments now and over the past month.
“Truth.” I pulled my knees up to my chest. “I met Canaan Jackson at Prairie View when he was my roommate’s boyfriend. We didn’t like each other back then. Years later, we met again in Jamaica. A surprise to me was the undeniable spark, and, as two adults, we acted on it. Some of what we did was captured on camera unbeknownst to either one of us. My camp leaked it without my permission or his, and Canaan’s rep was placed on the line. He’d been training hard to be the best driver and had been recently asked to be on the Ferrari team midseason. Canaan didn’t need yet another negative mark on his social record when the reality is that he’s a hard worker and as honest and genuine as they come, and deserves every opportunity afforded him.
“At the beginning of the year, I struggled with helping you find love and my own desire to prove I could be happy and single. How could I continue studying love and chop it up with you if I stopped believing in it? I’d been hurt a few years back and decided it wouldn’t happen again. I became determined to prove that I didn’t need love while telling the world they needed it.” I chuckled. “Such hypocrisy when I think about it, because wedoneed love. We all do. So, instead of being truthful with you about my singledom, I asked Canaan to pretend to be my man. We agreed to become engaged to save our careers and fell in love along the way.”
I clenched and unclenched my hands as my voice pushed through the knot in my throat. “We’re no longer together because on the day of his race, he found out about my camp leaking the video. Canaan was understandably devastated by what he perceived as my ‘treachery.’ He was distracted because he trusted me, and he almost lost his life as a result. I wanted to set the record straight that Canaan is one of the most talented, warm, and brilliant men you’ll ever meet. He works tirelessly at his craft and with the oil business he and his father own. He will always have my support as he gets back in his groove and makes history.”
Relief replaced any lingering nervousness, and my words flowed easily. “I hope you get behind Canaan Jackson too. You won’t regret it.
“For now, I’m taking a break from social media to finish my dissertation. I need to figure out some serious shit, you know. I’m sorry to anyone who may have been listening and who I may have hurt or misled. Regardless of what you may think of me, I am proud of myself for coming clean today. I took a risk on love, and although my risk didn’t pay off, I’m forever grateful for Canaan Jackson, who showed me never to be afraid to grind hard for your dreams and how to love. And although I can and will be happily single, there’s nothing like the love of a man to hold you down through the ups and downs of this crazy life.”
I signed off and stared at the ceiling, refusing to shed another tear about Canaan and our brief adventure. Only joy and hope moving forward.
When I returned to Houston the following day, I waited in front of J Oil, admittedly impressed by the state-of-the-art building tucked in the energy corridor off Interstate I-10. I hurried to approach the formidable, well-dressed man who walked out of the building, each step full of vigor and purpose, so much like the man I loved with my very being.
Canaan’s father must have sensed my presence as he looked back over his shoulder as he unlocked his classic black Jaguar with his clicker.
“Mr. Jackson, may I have a moment?” I asked.
He turned around, trying to place my face. I could see Canaan in the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his stature. “How can I help you?”
“I’m sure you don’t know me, but your son does.”
Mr. Jackson frowned, and then his face relaxed. “You’re his fiancée, correct? I saw you on the news.”
“We’re actually broken up now.”
Mr. Jackson’s frown returned. “I’m sorry to hear that. He seemed happy. Then again, my son can be impulsive and do whatever he wants, regardless of the consequences. Almost lost his life because of his impulsivity,” he muttered.
His complaints about his son to someone who was essentially a stranger grated on my nerves, and I understood why Canaan avoided his father.
I bit back my temper and kept my tone even. “Your son deserves your unconditional love and unwavering support, sir. You raised a good man, and he’s doing things on that track that defy logic and reason, using everything he’s learned. He’s going to make history one day, and you can’t even attend a race or offer one word of encouragement?”
Mr. Jackson protested. “He doesn’t care whether I’m there. My opinion never mattered to him.”
I stepped closer. “Your opinion hasalwaysmeant the world. Why do you think he has an engineering degree? After waking up at five and a long day of practice, he would meet with your staff virtually in Miami to brief them when they needed him. He wants to please you and still live his dream.”
He frowned and barked, “Why are you defending him? I thought you and he were broken up, and I’m sure it was his fault.”
“The fault ismine, and I’m trying to help. I can’t be there for him anymore. And he really needs you. He’s afraid to race, and we both know he doesn’t operate in fear.” I held up my hand. “You might not care that he’s afraid because you never supported his dream. Just consider this. He already has a mother who abandoned him. Do you want him to feel that way about you?”
Mr. Jackson lowered his stern gaze. “He won’t take my calls.”
“Because he doesn’t want to hear how he messed up or cost the company money. He just needs his daddy.” I touched his forearm gently. “I’m telling you that if you want your son to feel valued and wanted by you, then just be there for him and his dream.” I walked away before I said something disrespectful or started bawling.
“Thank you for meeting me.” I stood up from the table at the Breakfast Klub when Emme approached. This was our favorite brunch spot when we were inseparable friends and roommates.
Emme placed her order number on the table and sat across from me. “Did you get waffles and chicken wings or the fish and grits?”
“I got the fish and cheesy grits so that I can have some of your wings.”
Emme grudgingly smiled. “Some things never changed. Still eating off my plate.”
“Like you’re not going to eat some of those grits. Plus, I got a biscuit.”
She patted her stomach. “I have a wedding in two months. I can’t eat like this.”
