Chapter 31
We gonna be alright.
The sun hit my face, and when I attempted to open my eyes, the light hurt, so I covered my eyes with my hand. All I wore was my sweatshirt and panties. Sometime during the night, Carter undressed me. A sleeping Carter wore a shirt and shorts instead of being naked, which had always been his preference. I groaned and squinted, trying to find my phone. I hadn’t called my family, who were probably worried.
“I told Danielle you were with me.” His voice sounded rough and sleepy.
“Thanks.” I shifted to look at him and touched his closed eyelids, nose, and lips. We didn’t end on the best of terms. I walked away, and he didn’t stop me. How did we move forward?
“Memorizing my face in case we’re done?”
“Maybe. It’s so much, Carter, I don’t know...”
“Don’t know what?” His eyes remained closed, though his voice rose. “Don’t know if you still love me? If you still want to be with me? Don’t know if you’ll forgive me or if you can ever trust me again because of Chelsea? Or will I forgive you for ghosting me for two weeks at my most vulnerable? Or if I’ll forgive you for cheating on me? Or if you’ll be able to get over Grey? What don’t you know, Darren? Huh?”
“It’s early. Do you really want to get into everything now?” I asked. “What time are you supposed to get on the road?”
He finally opened his eyes and hissed, “I’m not going to Dallas until we talk. I meant what I said that we need towork this shit out, and I’m not waiting another fucking minute, Darren.”
“You just accused me of cheating, and you want to work things out?”
“I said what I said. If you don’t want to talk now, you don’t want to talk ever. Which one is it? Now or never?” Carter hit the space between us with his fist with force, scaring me.
“Can you control your temper? Because there’s no one here to protect me if you get pissed enough to hit me.”
He laughed sarcastically. “Trust me, if I didn’t knock Grey the fuck out when he knocked on my door to invite me over to see you, you’re good. I don’t lay hands on a woman. I love my mother and grandmother too much.”
I glanced at him before staring at the ceiling. “Alright. We stay in this bed until we’re finished saying whatever we need to say. Neither one of us is leaving until we agree to end us or move forward.”
“I’m not the one who walked away the last time.”
“You might this time.” I placed my hand over his that still rested between us. “We stay in this bed talking, arguing, cursing, but we stay in this bed.”
He tilted his head. “Can I take a piss or eat?”
“You know how to aim. Pee in that cup on your bedside table,” I replied with a straight face.
Carter’s eyes twinkled. “I missed this. Grey might be your best friend, but you’re mine.”
“And you were becoming mine. What I love most about you, which I didn’t expect, is how easy it is to talk to you. That I could be myself around you. You didn’t care if I was goofy, clumsy, or nerdy. You made me feel wanted, Carter. I’d just agreed to move in with you and had no qualms, except that I was worried we were moving too fast. But I was ready to take that risk. Had even told Grey that I planned to live with you. Not because I wantedhim to step up or to stop me. I wanted him to know because that’s what I wanted to do with you. Then homecoming weekend happened, and everything went apeshit. Seeing you and Grey argue, finding out about you and Chelsea in the worst way, you getting hurt on the field, finding out Grey convinced you to date me, and realizing I’m pregnant.
My emotions were everywhere. I didn’t know who to trust or to even talk to. I didn’t seek Grey out once I left you. In fact, I came back to your place needing space to think and hoping no one was around. I stepped out on the balcony and saw Grey running. Took it as a sign that we needed to talk.” His breath hitched, and I glanced at him. “For the record, I didn’t cheat on you. From our conversation in the hospital, you told me to get the fuck on. In my mind, we were done.”
Carter growled, “Bullshit, Darren. We didn’t break up. We argued, and you went ghost because you were with Grey. And now that he’s gone, you’re back. I’ve never been a bench player and not about to start now.” Carter pushed up from the mattress and rested his back against the headboard. He balled his fists and seethed, “Do you know how many women are after me? Why am I putting myself through this?”
“Because we still love each other, and I’m having your baby. Listen about the baby...” I shifted to my side, watching him, needing to tread carefully about the small possibility that the baby was Grey’s.
“The baby is mine.” Carter cut me off sternly, and I saw fear in his eyes.
He needed to believe, and I relented because I needed to believe, too. “My first appointment is tomorrow if you want to come.”
“I was supposed to be in Dallas shopping with Mama. I’m supposed to be there right now. I refuse to hear her mouth, so I’ve been texting instead of taking her calls.” He chuckled softly.“One thing for sure is that I love you if I’m risking my mother’s wrath. I don’t know about the other way around.”
I captured his concerned gaze and professed honestly, “I do love you and am in love with you. I just need time, Carter. Time to figure out if we’re good together. I don’t want us to be together just because we have a baby, and I don’t ever wantyouto feel like my second choice.”
“We’re good together. You just want time to get over Grey.”
“That’s the whole fucking point. I’m never getting over Grey.” I jabbed my heart. “He’s in here. Been there for seven years, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m not trying to be mean or heartless, but I can’t lie anymore. You deserve more than that. I only want honesty between us going forward, too. When I say I need to see if we’re good together, I want to be sure that what we are and have together is unbreakable. That no man or woman can come between us, including Grey. I want an intact family, too. I want to have the type of relationship my parents have. I know we have our own journey, but I at least want to know you’re in it for the long haul and that you’re willing to do the work, especially with raising a family. If you can’t, I’d rather co-parent in two different households than raise a child unhappily in a two-parent home.”
