“I could argue the same thing about you. I represented a good girl when you’ve been a bad boy wanting to be different. I helped you be different. People would judge you differently with me by your side. Even your mother had to admit that I was better than she believed you would choose. We got so caught up in the vision of what it meant to have this marriage and family that who we are as individuals got lost along the way.
Neither of us wanted our children to grow up in a broken home. I wanted to be like my parents, and you wanted to bebetter than yours. You loved that I depended on you and that my world only existed of you and the children. You could be the benevolent king of your castle, the head of your household, the husband and family man you wished you had growing up. Despite that, you still felt a void. A man like you, likes challenges. Got Chelsea to leave her man, and you won me from Grey.” I interlocked my trembling hands together as I breathed life into the truth that kept him from telling me about Sekani in the first place. “Now, you have Joi contemplating leaving her relationship.”
He stared unblinking at me for seconds, and I could see the wheels turning. Carter’s mouth formed a stern line, and he looked away and then back at me. “I ended things months ago, okay? She was the only woman I’d been with since you, and I became a couple in college.”
Relieved that he finally admitted he cheated, I exhaled and asked, “Did you want to end it?”
“Yes,” he answered quickly.
“Then why did you start it?”
“It just happened. Maybe I had the seven-year itch or something.” He shrugged but couldn’t meet my assessing gaze.
“It didn’t just happen, Carter. You have been careful in how you handle other women for years. You might have started having sex with her recently, but you wanted her for much longer. She was the ultimate challenge. A lesbian. Possibly, you’re the first man or the first man in a long time she’s ever been attracted to. Probably boosted your ego that you got her to have sex with you.” I knew I was going too far, but I needed him to dig deeper than he seemed to want to.
Carter moved me away from him and stood up. “Don’t do that. Don’t lessen Joi to a challenge. She means more to me than that.'
I shot back, “What does she mean to you? It wasn’t just a one-time oops. You didn’t care if I was hurt and kept going back to her until you thought you might lose me to Grey. It’s why you were so understanding that night in the car coming back from the museum when I first found out he was engaged. You finally understood how it felt to be in love with two people.”
Carter hit the desk with his fist. “Do you still want to be married to me? I’m fighting for my marriage. Are you? I’m fighting to come home to my wife and children, and you keep bringing up the past. Nothing else matters. I fucked up, and it won’t happen again. I have no more secrets. You have my word. I’m here with you until death do us part. I can’t fail. I can’t fail you. I can’t fail my babies. I...I... can’t be my father.” Tears suddenly ran down his cheeks. He rarely cried. Embarrassed by his tears, Carter slunk into my recently vacated chair, covered his face, and sobbed.
I climbed into his lap, wrapped my arms around him, and pressed his head into my shoulder. He apologized over and over, and I kept nodding, reassuring him. When he seemed exhausted, I lifted his chin. “Baby, please...please be honest with yourself. Tell me I make you truly happy. Not our marriage...our twins...or our families. Me. Just me. If I make you happy and you want to walk through this life with me by your side, I swear it’s you and me moving forward. Grey won’t be an issue in our marriage anymore. He knows Elle is his and is willing to take things slow with her. Tell me it’s me and not Joi or some woman you haven’t met yet. We deserve to be happy. I will always love and honor you for the man you’ve been to our children and me, no matter what you decide. We can’t keep living in this image of what we believe a marriage looks like. We have to be Carter and Darren. Just tell me you can do that with me, and we can go to therapy, and we can have another baby. Tell me, please... and I’m here until death do us part, too. I’m all yours.”
Carter gazed into my eyes, straight to my soul, and captured my lips with his, and I melted into him.
