Grey had smiled warmly when he saw me before holding his hands up for Elle to high-five him, which had become their greeting. Grey offered Ethyn the same greeting, except raising his hands higher to challenge him more. Ethyn and Elle had hugged each other when they both were able to hit Grey's hands. Grey laughed and wrapped his arms around them both. "Nice to meet you, Ethyn."
My son smiled, "Call me E."
Grey looked at me with a quirked brow. "He is his father."
I grinned. "Yep. He really is."
"Hope to see you again, E." Grey clapped his hands and blew his whistle, signaling practice to start, and Ethyn and I walked to the bleachers.
I'd sat back in the bleachers, soaking in Grey without guilt. If possible, he was even more gorgeous, smiling, and encouraging as he coached Elle and his team. The sun had returned, chasingaway the clouds. I did love him and would love to explore that love as a fully grown adult.
Except, I wouldn't make another move toward Grey until Carter and I decided once and for all if we were moving forward in our marriage. This time, a healthier and honest one. I even planned to be honest with Carter about being intimate with Grey. I would not pretend to be happy anymore or keep any more secrets.
"Mama. You're not paying attention," Elle scolded, returning me to the present. "Can we ask Daddy about E coming to practice?"
"Finish washing the lettuce, Elle. The food will be ready soon, and we won't have a salad." I reminded her as the three of us finished making dinner. Carter would be home soon, and the children wanted to cook him a special dinner for winning his last game. Well, something that could be cooked with little supervision. Spaghetti with ground turkey meat sauce and spinach and romaine salad. Ethyn insisted on Texas toast on the side. "I'll ask Daddy when he gets home. I'm sure it will be okay."
The twins cheered and started making plans about practice. I shook my head, amused that Grey had become a regular part of our lives within a few weeks after hiding in plain sight from him all these years.
LATER THAT EVENING, I heard Carter's deep, booming voice talking and eating with the children. I worked on the store budget in the office that we shared to pay bills and discuss any financial issues. He’d used this space more than I did untilrecently. I pushed back from the desk, anticipating him walking through the house looking for me. That habit hadn’t changed. He always greeted the children first. He would eat with them, play games, or watch TV if it wasn’t bedtime. Usually, I let him spend time with them alone, knowing that he would look for me sooner or later. The children would soon go to their respective rooms and prepare for bed. I’d trained them well for such little people. I rarely had to remind them to take baths and then go to bed before the large grandfather clock in the hall struck nine.
"Hey. Dinner was good." Carter strolled into the office, dressed in a dark suit, with an undone tie and a wide smile. “The Rams want to renegotiate my contract, and the money is insane. They somehow found out that I’ve been considering the Cowboys.”
“So, we’re not moving?” I asked, excited for him and the family.
He grabbed the back of the chair in front of the desk. “Love that you said ‘we’re.’ Glad you still think like a team.”
“We’ll always be a team, Carter. We share children.”
Carter’s jaw tightened, and he gripped the chair harder. “How long are you going to punish me? It’s been almost two months, and I don’t know where we stand.” He walked back to the door and locked it. "Let's move forward and have another baby."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and scream that we weren't in the place to have another child. "You've been asking me for a baby since the children were two, and now that I know about Sekani, I get it. You want a baby that's completely all yours."
He strode next to me and perched on the edge of the desk. "Yes. A baby that happened during our marriage that I know is mine and yours."
"We're not strong enough, Carter."
"We can be if you just try to forgive me." He looked down at me. "I love you."
“I love you too, but that didn't stop all of this mess our lives have become."
He pulled me up and moved me between his legs. "Then let's go to therapy."
"Why waste money when you can answer a simple question?"
Carter raised a brow. "What?"
"Why do you want to stay married to me?” I asked.
He twisted his lips. “Come on, Darren. You know I still love you and want this marriage and my family.”
I tapped his thighs. “Then why?”
Carter shook his head. “Tell me why you married me in the first place when you loved another man?”
Although he had asked me this question before, my answer would be different this time. “You were my chocolate dream. I married you because I always pictured my life complete with a husband and children. You gave me more than my dream. You gave me all of this.” I gestured around me.
His eyes became glossy. “You said nothing about me. Who I am or who I was." He bitterly retorted, "It didn’t matter if it was Joe Blow down the street who wanted to marry you. You wanted a husband and a father for your unborn children, and I fit the bill.”
