She scrolls through her contacts, finds Jackie’s number. Her roommate is likely asleep, but she always sets her phone on Do Not Disturb at night, it won’t wake her.
The call goes through fine, hitting her voicemail. The familiar sweetness of her friend’s voice, lilt of light words:“Hi! You’ve reached me, Jackie, I can’t come to the phone—”
Lili hangs up. Her heart starts to pound, heavy.
She clicks Amina’s number. A few rings, the sound of international roaming, and then—
“Hey, love, what’s up?” A sleepy tone, rustle of sheets.
Her pulse begins to hammer.
“Hey, sorry—just at the park, left a note—sorry, I’ll call you back—”
Lili hangs up without waiting for Amina’s response, and calls his number again.
And again.
And again.
The same response each time, call disconnecting after a few beats.
A hollow ringing grows in her ears.
He’s blocked her.
Lili sinks back into her chair, clutching her phone to her chest.
Distant, the sounds of children running through the grass; the thud of her heart.
There’s a breath in; a breath out.
Scenery rushes by the windows. Fast train, quiet seats. Lili stares at the wash of colors, forehead resting against the glass. Across from her, James sits down. He hands her a cup of coffee, disposable Styrofoam.
“Here,” he says. “Sorry, it’s just black. There wasn’t anything but normal milk.”
“Thanks,” Lili murmurs. Her knees are drawn into her chest. She lets the hot drink balance against her legs.
“Ami’s still getting food, I think they have some fruit or something, not a ton of vegan options—I should have brought some things for the train, we’ve got a few more hours still—”
She shakes her head. “Don’t worry, really, I’m not hungry.”
“Li—”
“Jamie, please,” she whispers. “I’m tired, let’s just—not.”
He watches her for a moment more, considering, as if about to say something. Unsure, taken aback by this regression. He seems almost helpless, so unlike him.
Lili looks away, back to the window.
Amina had already tried speaking with her. That morning, she’d caught Lili coming back to the apartment from the gardens. She was downstairs at the pharmacy, picking up extra sunscreen and dressed for her gallery meeting. She waved at Lili through the glass, beckoning her inside.Hey.Amina had grinned.Europeans have crazy good sunscreen, thought I’d stock up, was getting you some, too—
I’m covered,Lili replied, glancing over the shelves of foreign brands, plastic packaging. Cold voice, weak air-conditioning.
Amina glanced at her sharp, with a frown of confusion.You okay?
She nodded.I’ve got to pack, I’ll see you in a bit.
Li, wait, wait—did something happen? Last night, you seemed—
