“Sal’s checking on her now,” he assured me.
I groaned, confused and conflicted. “Why do I feel so worried? So sad? When they were nothing but awful to me and Sal?”
“I wish it were as simple as that, babe,” he sighed. “I wish you could remember that, – have it take away your pain. That’s not who you are.” He sighed.
“He didn’t want Maddox to exist, yet I can’t believe he never laid eyes on his only grandchild,” I murmured sorrowfully.
He simply pulled me tighter. Really, there were no words to soothe my chaotic emotions.
“Did the Black Riders do this?” I demanded after a few long moments.
“We don’t know,” he admitted. “Maybe,” he added hesitantly.
“If they did?” I questioned.
He sighed and I heard his hand rustle over his beard. “If they did, then it depends on why, Soph. It could mean war,” he admitted.
“That doesn’t sound good,” I squeaked out.
“No,” he agreed. “Cal is on it, along with the rest of the guys.”
“And you’re here with me,” I interjected, the realization finally dawning on me.
“Yeah,” he replied.
I pulled away from his body, looking down into his face. “You don’t want to be with them?” I asked.
He grunted. “There’ll be a time,” he assured me with a nod, pulling me back down to him. “But I realized something recently. My loyalty and my love for the club – it doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have your back,” he explained quietly.
My heart thudded impatiently at his words, hungry to swallow them whole.
“I’ll always have your back too,” I assured him.
“I know. Can you sleep?” he murmured, his lips against my temple.
“Maybe,” I sighed, feeling completely wrung out. “If you’re here,” I added.
“Nowhere else I would be, babe,” he assured me, his bare skin warming mine.
“I love you,” I sighed.
“Love you,” he returned, kissing my hair.
I drifted off on a wave that crested between sleep and wakefulness. My father’s image persisted in my mind as a shadow in the periphery of my childhood. It wasn’t until I focused on the image of Axel holding Maddox that I drifted off in peace. Imagining my husband hold and love our child through my sleep muddled brain brought a smile across my lips.
Axel had given me that – peace.
That and so much more.
Chapter 23
“Iwant that one. Our ceiling is high enough,” I stated, hands on my hips as Axel eyed me warily. We’d been scouring the Christmas tree lot for the perfect tree for going on an hour and clearly he was over it.
It had been a week since my father died. Every day I worked to accept that he was actually gone. The hardest part was the lack of closure. On some level, I realized I’d hoped to have that with him. To at least understand what had driven him to do all the things he’d done. I’d have to find that closure within myself. It would take time.
Things with the Black Riders were still uncertain. Axel hadn’t shared much but I knew if there was immediate danger, he’d tell me. For the time being, the guys were pretty guarded on the details. Frankly, I didn’t have the capacity to deal with it anyway and didn’t ask. I trusted Axel to take care of it.
The holidays were a welcomed distraction. I’d decorated the house with close to an obnoxious amount of cheer. Ax had helped where he could and stayed out of the way when he needed to, which was often. I was determined to have our first Christmas as a family be as close to perfect as possible.
