“That sounds like it’s more about what you needed than what I needed,” I pointed out.
There was a charged pause while he took that in.
“Fuck, you’re right,” he admitted.
He sounded so surprised by that realization and so tired that I softened some.
“I love you and I swear I’m tryin’,” he added as I heard the pillow rustle under his head. I knew his gaze had turned to me and I was glad the room was dark. Those eyes always made me melt and I needed to stay strong here. “There’s nothing in this goddamned world I want more than you and Mad. Taking care of you, protecting you – it gives me a purpose like I’ve never known. Anything I said to make you feel otherwise was said in anger and was complete and utter bullshit,” he swore.
I took that in for a minute.
“Okay,” I murmured. I believed him. I knew we both had to operate on a learning curve; this whole thing was new to both of us.
“Okay?” he asked, his voice relieved.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I just think – well, I feel like you’re censoring yourself for my benefit. If Mad and I force you to change too much, this will never work,” I shook my head. “I think what we need is some balance,” I surmised.
“All right,” he agreed. “I also think we need to have some goddamned fun, Soph. Let me take you away for a night. Sal and I already talked about it. You and I need some time, just us.”
“Leave Mad?” I questioned nervously.
“With your brother and Kat,” he interjected. “One night, Soph, it’ll be good for us. He loves them both, he’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know,” I fretted. I’d never left Maddox overnight.
He reached over, pulling me close to his chest. “You know I’d never suggest it if I didn’t know he’d be well taken care of. I don’t regret the way we ended up here. I fucking love our life. But I never did the whole dating thing. Never wanted to. But with you, well, I want to spend time with you. Alone,” he pressed.
I giggled quietly at the urgency in his tone.
“Yeah, okay,” I agreed. “What did you have in mind?”
Chapter 15
Ifound myself regretting sharing that I’d never been camping.
Growing up in Manhattan and having parents who were positively repelled by the outdoors, my closest experiences with nature had been Central Park.
Axel hadn’t liked that so much.
When he suggested a night away, this hadn’t been exactly what I’d had in mind but I was determined to roll with it.
The campground he’d brought us to was gorgeous, surrounded by pine trees and amazing rock formations. It was fairly private with only a few other campsites occupied. I appreciated the smell and the sense of calm.
What I did not appreciate was the fact it was outside. As in, sleeping outside. As in, no bathroom anywhere close.
Axel had set up the small tent and bedroll that had been hooked to the back of his bike within mere minutes.
“Done this before?” I asked with a quirk of my brow.
“A time or two,” he nodded, not elaborating.
“I think you can take that thing off now,” I gestured to the shoulder holster he’d worn since we’d left Hawthorne, and when I thought about it, most of the time when we weren’t at home.
“Nope.” he shook his head simply.
“We’re in the middle of nowhere,” I protested.
He shrugged, telling me without words that didn’t matter to him. I knew even if we were in a high-class hotel somewhere, it’d be the same thing.
